Saturday, February 6, 2010


I've been thinking lately about this whole TTC process and how selfish I feel. I spend most of my time thinking about me: how I feel, did I just feel a twinge, is that blood?, was that a cramp?, what cycle day is it?, did that person just say that to me?

Most of the time, I'm not even all that concerned about my husband. I figure he's dealing with it.

And in my/our pursuit to have children, should I just give up my dream of being pregnant? Wouldn't it be better to adopt? Do I really feel that strongly about having some genetic link to my child? Does it matter?

Am I just being selfish to want so much?



  1. This is 100% percent normal. If anything IF people should be more selfish, we have already given so much! I often will foget about my DH becaus he is not the one going through the physical symptoms as well as the procedures.

    I think adoption is wonderful, in my journey I decided that I would try everything before we went to adoption. I did not want to look back and regrey anything. Having biological children is important to be but not the most important.

    The best decision will be the ones you guys make together.

    Ugh IF!

  2. Your not selfish at all. No one would ever call a fertile selfish for not adopting.
    If is really hard. I also, forget about my husband's feelings.. a lot. Mostly because he doesn't express them, so its easy to forget.
    With male factor, I have to remind myself that he feels broken too, even if he doesn't say those words.

  3. No, you are not selfish. I agree with Michelle, no one would ever call a fertile person selfish for not adopting. It's really tough on us women because we are the ones that do most of the testing, getting pricked and prodded, we are the ones that experience IF, the ones that have to get the injections, etc. We are the ones with the mothering/nurturing instincts.

    As for adoption, it is wonderful, but you have to be physically and emotionally ready for it. You have to really want it. But most importantly you must be READY for it. My DH and I checked it out, but we are not ready for it, at least not yet. We want to do whatever we can to have our own biological children before we pursue adoption. We don't want to look back and regret not trying harder.

    Whatever the decision you make, make it for yourselves, not for other people.

  4. I don't think you're selfish at all. Your emotions are yours. You feel how you feel and there's nothing wrong with that.

    You'll make the decision that's right for the two of you.

  5. I don't think you're selfish either. I know exactly how you feel of definitely feeling like everything going on, every little twinge, etc is the center of your world, and not really caring what DH is going through! At times I really felt it was all *me* who was going through things, and not *us*. I'm sure that was hard on him, but luckily he never complained!

  6. I think that the fact that you are questioning if you are selfish shows that you aren't.

    I know I've had a lot of similar feelings and have read lots of posts containing the same sentiments.

  7. I think this sometimes too, but then get mad that the decision to try to get pregnant rather than adopt is only called selfish for the infertile. How many more fertile people could be adopting rather than having biological kids? Why are they not called selfish?