Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Nine days later, I finally feel well. I woke up this morning and did not feel icky or hurt anywhere or have a fever. It was a wonderful feeling. A feeling I was beginning to think would never come again. Obviously, that's silly. Yes, I was going to feel better. Yes, I would heal and my body would stop hurting. But that's because it was a virus.

A virus that the doctor said "would just have to run its course."

IF is kinda like that right now though. I'm in the middle of it and can't yet see the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't turned any corners. It just seems as if I will forever be broken, barren.

And I know better than to live in the land of nevers, forevers, and always. But some days it just seems to be taking so much longer and will not end.



  1. So well said. I'm right there with you in the "land of nevers, forevers and always" quite often these days! It's admittedly not a very healthy place to be, but I haven't found my light at the end of the tunnel yet either.

    (((HUGS))) Glad you're feeling better physically, at least.

  2. Wow. I feel very much like this today. I can not see an end in site, that end being a biological baby, a half biological baby, an adoption or nothing at all. I can not focus on any of these ends right now. I want to have a pity party without anyone telling me "Your just going to have to get through it". :)
    It will get better, it always does.