Wednesday, August 18, 2010

When hope is a curse

I truly think that the infertile's real curse is perpetual hope.

Last week in our IVF consult, RE was a little concerned about the light flow/spotting that I was experiencing as AF. She said that she'd prefer if we did a a beta, just to make sure. Especially given that I was only 11dpo.

I went in this morning. It came back as negative and they called this afternoon. They are still concerned about the lightness and said they are considering another round of Pr0vera. I think I'm the only case I've read/heard about that has confirmed O due to IUI and *still* has to have something instigate AF.

The nurse did say that she completely agreed with me going on BCP for the next 2 months given my history of annov, so that we can time out our IVF better. But she had to check with my doc since my AF was so light before prescribing something. I could still start it tomorrow though.

I had held out though, that this was a real long-shot. The hubs and mom & dad, though, they were much more hopeful. Not to say that I'm not disappointed, just not crushed. There's a plan in place. In fact, I received a wedding invite for October today and went to count the weeks, because it seems SO EARLY. 6 weeks... not that far off.

Back to the gym tomorrow.


  1. Alison. I've been in your shoes. I LOVE your attitude. Thing is? Every disappointment you have had has led to your taking some action. We ALL know that infertility is a jerk but it is HOW we handle it. With grace. With humor. And with a fighting spirit.

    Keep up the good fight, sistah. You ARE moving forward and by doing so, you will be a parent. You will! Somehow, your taking action will lead you towards that child who is waiting to meet you, too. Whatever course it is, it will be meant to be.

    I don't mean to sound like a cliche. I just want you to know I get you. I do. As I type this, I am watching my three-month-old girl sleep peacefully. She is everything. I was blessed and I thank IVF for giving me that push that was necessary in having her.

    Good luck. I am very happy to have read your piece and I like what you have to say.

    Yours in motherhood,

  2. Sorry that AF is being such a bitch. Yuck. I hope that you get to the bottom of things soon.

  3. I hear you, girl. I hope the time goes by quickly for you!

  4. Hope gets me every time... one of these days we'll learn :)