Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Telling Mom will be hardest

I don't even think I come up with something clever, my brain's kinda dim right now. I've emailed Fred and called the nurse, and now I'm telling you. AF showed just before lunch. It was just a smear on the TP, but my heart sank. I went ahead and went to lunch with a friend, where I pretended to care about what she was saying and feigned happiness albeit I don't think very well. And then I came home and there was definite blood on the panty liner.

I called the nurse and barely got my name out before I got choked up. I made it through the message before completely losing it. I'm sure I'm not the first woman to leave a strained message and I won't be the last. She just called back to tell me that wonderfully I can meet with my RE tomorrow morning to discuss the IVF and what protocol she wants to follow for that and then I'll meet with their financial manager to discuss the money. It'll probably still mean that we need to wait until January, but at least I'll know where we're headed and can possibly start the BCPs in December if we're going to go that route.

Telling my mom tonight will be the hardest. The hubs has a business dinner, so we'd already made plans to eat together. I'm sure it'll go into full-blown cry-fest. She's had a horrible week at work and this isn't going to help her stress level any. She wants this for me more than anyone else. She wants it for her too, but mostly my mother has always been one to make sure I had everything my poor pea-pickin' little heart desired. But she can't give me this and that eats her up.

There are so many people who will be disappointed for me. This child is so anticipated. It is so warming to know how many people love my yet-to-even-be-conceived child. There are several who barely even know me, the little girl who prays for me every night who I pray will never know what it's like to want a baby and not be able to have one. The man who's brother and SIL are struggling as well who comes to my mom for advice and asked  just yesterday if we knew anything yet before he left for the hospital for his own baby to be born. Not to mention all the people who have known me since I was still in elementary school. They watched me grown up, go to college, get married and want nothing more to welcome my child into the world.

Telling my mom will be hardest.

20 comments:

  1. Oh Alison, I am so sorry. I understand why telling your mom will be hard, but she is (I'm sure) a source of great comfort and reassurance. There is nothing I can say or write that will make you feel better right now, just know that you have people from all over thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the best.

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  2. I'm so sorry, Alison. Big hugs my friend.

    Going to a lunch with a friend right aftr your period starts is the WORST THING ON EARTH. I know b/c I did the same thing the day my last cycle ended. Absolutely. Brutal. xoxo

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  3. I'm sorry, Alison. You are in my thoughts today.

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  4. Oh sweetie. Oh Ali. I'm so so sorry Ali. I really am. This journey has been SO unfair to you and DH. ((hugs)) going out to you both.
    All my love,
    Mic

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  5. So so sorry. Big huge hugs to you and lots of strength.

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  6. Alison,
    I am so sorry. Have something nice for yourself tonight: a bath, good dessert or something that makes you happy.
    **hugs**

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  7. I'm so sorry, Alison. Sending you big (((HUGS))).

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  8. Oh Alison I am so sorry. For some reason it is hard for me to tell my mom too when AF shows...must just be because we know how excited and hopeful they are for us. Treat yourself to something yummy at dinner tonight. Sending you a supportive hug.

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  9. So sorry!!

    Good luck with the meeting.

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  10. oh, alison. i'm so sorry. :( hugs.

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  11. Alison I'm so sorry!! :-( Hopefully IVF will work for you right away, you guys deserve a sticky bean so much. (((HUGS)))

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  12. I'm so sorry to read this today. I hope your mom is able to provide some much needed comfort for you tonight. ((hugs))

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  13. Ali! I am so very sorry as well. The idea of sharing such bad news is never easy. I know your mom will be sad for you, but she can definitely be a huge support. Thinking of you and Fred always!

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  14. Ugh. I am so sorry. I was so hoping for you this cycle. ((hugs))

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  15. Dang! I am so sorry Alison. I wish that I could say or do something to make it feel better. xoxoxo

    **oh and telling my mom is always the hardest too**

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  16. My dear little one, you are the strongest person I have ever known. I am so very blessed to have you! I know, probably more than anyone else, how much you want this child. And yes, if I could trade my life for your child's I would willingly do it.
    The "hard to tell mom"

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  17. I am so sorry to read this post Alison. I wish I had some comfort to offer. All I know is that when a child does finally find its way into your arms it will certainly be one lucky soul. You have such a kind heart and balanced way of considering all of the people who love you so much and want your dreams to come true. Your moms comment is the sweetest. I feel so honored to read it.

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  18. Oh no Alison! I am so sorry. I hope that the move to IVF will go smoothly and that you'll be first time lucky like Emmy!

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  19. Sorry I am a little late posting. I really hope your dinner with your mom went well. You are so fortunate to have her in your life (as I'm sure you know) and yes, I'm sure it will just break her heart that she cannot give you one of the things that you desire most in life. On an up note, at least you have an amazing support system which is so important during times like these. I am praying that this IVF works for you hon. Truly I am. (((Hugs)))

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  20. I am sorry she showed. That is the worst :(

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