Have you ever heard the song "I saw God to.day"... it's kinda heartbreaking for an infert, but for today I'm only referencing the title.
I told the hubs the other day that the last few months have been beyond hard for me. I've felt abandoned, left behind, sad, nearly hopeless, & lost in the wilderness of IF. And I'm talking bigger and more than just your average pity party, table for one, kinda thing. But in the last couple of weeks, I've really been able to see God moving in my life. I've seen doors and windows opening that I knew existed, but had no idea they would open! It's been incredible and my spirit has been lifted.
It's not that I had lost faith or didn't trust God, I just felt alone. And the emotional weight I'd been carrying was almost at the breaking point. I'm not going to say that that weight is gone, but it is definitely lighter! I feel a sense of understanding and peace that I haven't felt in a long time. I find myself being very hopeful and not being as weighed by the day-to-day itty-bitty tiny things that can build up!
I have always joked that I do not take subtlety well. That God made me this way and therefore tends to send me "neon blinking signs" when he wants me to really get the message. And the message has been received - He is still here with me! He's carrying me through! And His plan is abundantly good for me - I just can't see it yet!
I just have to hold on to that. Hold on to Him.
I am so glad that you feel this way, what a breath of fresh air it must be. I am just a little behind you....still sitting at my pitty party and feeling abandoned, but your post makes me feel like an open window is just around the corner! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. I am glad to hear you are finding some peace through all this.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you're feeling better. It's good to start feeling positive again, and I'm glad that you've found a place where you can do that.
ReplyDeleteYes! I've spent so many nights mad at God for ignoring me (or so I thought). But lately I've seen His hand in my life in many ways...just not the way that I wanted it to be.
ReplyDelete