Thursday, November 19, 2009


Webster's says: the quality or state of being strong; a capacity for exertion or endurance

The Infertile says: the state of being knocked down again and again and again only to stand back up again

Sometimes I wonder if one of the reasons I was chosen for this path was my strength. Maybe my God chose me because He knew that I could withstand the demands of infertility. Because let's face it: infertility is not for wimps.

I started TTC in July 2008, 16 months ago. I was a member of IV's TTCYFC board and I quickly met some wonderful women. I started drawing on their strength as each month AF would show up on-time or tardy. In September of last year, I started a little campaign of anti-POAS. I just couldn't bear seeing BFN again that month and was determined to wait it out. It's a good thing because obviously I would have wasted even more money on HPTs than I already had.

Seven other women agreed with me, at least for that cycle and we started our own little thread. We grew closer and realized that we would like to share more personal details but didn't think we could in public. So we began a Group. Our own daily board where we would check in. Within 6 weeks of that, 4 of the 8 were pregnant.

A year later 4 of us still aren't pregnant. But the reason I am still making it day by day are these women. These 3 other women don't judge my choices, they rally behind me and they are strong when I am not.

Last night, I got to be the strong one. Mic just couldn't. She'd had a rough day that started with lots of hope, but ended in disappointment and confusion. We were IM'ing with her late yesterday afternoon and I told her that she needed to wallow, for her own mental health. But that I was willing her embies to grow! Last night she needed to be utterly free of the guilt of feeling like she needed to be optimistic. So I took on the role of cheerleader in her stead and if you can really just will something to happen, then it should be a no-brainer that her fert report will be a good one today.

I was the strong one yesterday, just as she has been for me many times in the last year.

Seven days from today, we will as a country, give thanks. I will be giving thanks for so many things, but especially for the women who have become my strength when I am weak and the strength that I can give other women when they feel they can't go on.



  1. Great post and great description of why we keep coming back to the community we find online. It is true that one day we feel weak on draw on the strength of others and other days we get to be the strength that our friends draw on. It's like the circle of life.

  2. OMG, I'm bawling reading this post. I love you girls ... you've become such a huge part of my life ... a part that I don't know if I could ever made it through the past 19 failures without.

    THANK YOU for being my strength and my support system last night. It was the first time in this horrible journey where I didn't want to wake up the next day. I wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever. Knowing that I have people in my life that won't judge and won't make me feel guilty for my feelings means everything.

    Thank you again Ali. From the bottom of my heart.

  3. Great post! The IF community is a real life saver.

  4. Thank you for this post Ali! You are such a source of encouragement and strength to me. Love you!

  5. Ali, I started TTC in 7/08 also and TTCYFC was a life-saver for me. I know that many have come and gone but the women I have come to know have helped me get through many dark hours.

  6. Great post and so true. We are so lucky to have such an amazing support network.
    It is hard though being one of the "last ones standing"
    Last November 2008 I was with 3 old college friends and thought I might have been pregnant (silly me!). They were all excited for me.
    FF to November 2009--2 of those friends have newborns and one is 5 months pregnant. And here I am....aarrgg

  7. Ali- What a beautiful post and I hope you know that you utilized words that I think are felt by all of the last 4 standing (and waiting as patiently as we possible can). I look forward to cheering you on this go around! (BTW, I think we will be cycle buddies. My ER is scheduled around the 7th-8th!)

  8. here from the creme.

    My online support group is the only way I have survived the last two years. Like you, we started on IV but moved somewhere private and have become even closer. Many have graduated and some are even trying again, but we still are very close and support each other through life's trials. What a blessing the internet is!