Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Good Grief

I think we all know that grief comes in waves. Five stages that you process through as you heal during a loss. And I think right now, I'm still grieving the loss of our dream. The dream that I will be able to have a child with my husband - genetically speaking.

For 26 years (I'm excluding my first year of life when all I did was sleep, eat and poop!) I've wanted to be a Mommy. It's really all I've ever wanted. First comes love, then comes marriage... and the next step is procreation. Only my husband and I can't. Not together. And he can't in any circumstance.

Right now, I'm feeling the weight of the grief, of the loss. And there's no getting over it. There's no getting around it and there's no not thinking about it. The knowledge of IF and what it means for my family never goes away.

Most days, I think I just stay in denial, but tonight I'm a touch bitter. And I'm trying to be honest about that. Let's not pretend.



  1. It's a hard grief. And a quiet grief, which makes it harder than more public grief. I hope that you find a good way to handle it. Please let me know if you do!

  2. It's okay to be bitter and to grieve. We are all here for you!