One Year Ago

One year ago I was in the midst of what would become my LMP. We were diving head first into our first IVF cycle, hoping and praying that it would be out only one. We were prepared though to give it a second go if necessary, having lined it all up so that we could at least have a second shot. Statistics had not been our friend to that point and even though the odds were in our favor, we had landed on the wrong side of the odds one too many times to take it for granted by any stretch.

I've been pretty emotional about it lately. I'll think about the date and remember what I was doing this time last year. Oct 28, 2011, was the start of the AF that would be the last for 11 months. October 29 was the day I began stims, and tomorrow, November 1 was the first of many, many ultrasounds. It was a total roller coaster ride that started off slow and had the best finale imaginable. It is a ride I would take again and again if I could be guaranteed of the same outcome (a live, healthy baby!).

Wow, and now my Little Bird is 3 months old. He has changed so much already. He finally hit the double-digit weight at around 10 weeks and started sleeping 10 hours a night at 11 weeks. We went through our first "wonder" week last week and while it was pretty rough on us all, I can see how much he is developing and growing. LB is such a little trooper and is already getting back into his usual schedule - hallelujah!!

This "mom" thing is beyond hard. I've started saying lately that we need to invent a whole new word, because "hard" just isn't appropriate. Trigonometry tests are hard, being a mother? It takes grit. You have no idea until you get here and no one can tell you. Today at lunch though, when I turned to look at LB beside me in his carrier, and spoke to him and touched his cheek and his whole face lit up and he gave me the biggest gummy smile - I thought I might die of love and happiness overload right then and there. My lunch buddy saw it happen, "Awww he loves you so much!"

And in that moment and all the moments like it in the 3 months of LB's little life, all the "beyond hard" new-mommy-moments and the 29 months of "beyond hard" infertility before it - "beyond worth" it.