Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot...

I write this post with a heavy heart. You see, I've come to the decision that it's time for "Privileged" to end. We said goodbye to 2011 this weekend, and with it, I said goodbye to my infertility. It's over. Dead and gone. I have the sweet, precious child I so desperately longed for and the revelation that he is the only one my body will ever bare.

So many that I know, online and IRL had miserable 2011. I had the best year of my life. For the first 7 months I carried the life I had prayed and wept for so desperately in 2008, 2009 and most of 2010. I reveled in carrying Little Bird. I counted each day as precious and wonderful. I bore the responsibility for his little life with utmost care and gratefulness.

2012 brings only hope and gladness as Hubs and I watch LB grow into the most fantastic little boy. He's still my Itty Bitty, weighing in at 15lbs, 4oz at 5 months old. But his personality and smile are larger than life! He truly is the light of our lives. He is rolling over, jabbering, playing with toys, imitating our movements, and now, eating cereal!

He keeps me busier than I ever imagined - especially since he is not yet mobile. And that explains my absence. I'm having to much fun living life with Hubs and LB, and at the end of each day, I'm just too spent to come relive it all with you.

I cannot express my deep gratitude for each of you that I've traveled this journey with. I hope with all my might that each of you will end up with the child you long for and enjoy the ones you've been given. I will still be reading and occasionally commenting (or emailing when appropriate). Thank you for your strength, hope, prayers, and reading along as I made my way to this point.

It was all worth it. I would relive all the pain and tears, ups and downs, every last bit of it to have my Little Bird. He was worth it all. He is more than I could ever have imagined.

One Year Ago

One year ago I was in the midst of what would become my LMP. We were diving head first into our first IVF cycle, hoping and praying that it would be out only one. We were prepared though to give it a second go if necessary, having lined it all up so that we could at least have a second shot. Statistics had not been our friend to that point and even though the odds were in our favor, we had landed on the wrong side of the odds one too many times to take it for granted by any stretch.

I've been pretty emotional about it lately. I'll think about the date and remember what I was doing this time last year. Oct 28, 2011, was the start of the AF that would be the last for 11 months. October 29 was the day I began stims, and tomorrow, November 1 was the first of many, many ultrasounds. It was a total roller coaster ride that started off slow and had the best finale imaginable. It is a ride I would take again and again if I could be guaranteed of the same outcome (a live, healthy baby!).

Wow, and now my Little Bird is 3 months old. He has changed so much already. He finally hit the double-digit weight at around 10 weeks and started sleeping 10 hours a night at 11 weeks. We went through our first "wonder" week last week and while it was pretty rough on us all, I can see how much he is developing and growing. LB is such a little trooper and is already getting back into his usual schedule - hallelujah!!

This "mom" thing is beyond hard. I've started saying lately that we need to invent a whole new word, because "hard" just isn't appropriate. Trigonometry tests are hard, being a mother? It takes grit. You have no idea until you get here and no one can tell you. Today at lunch though, when I turned to look at LB beside me in his carrier, and spoke to him and touched his cheek and his whole face lit up and he gave me the biggest gummy smile - I thought I might die of love and happiness overload right then and there. My lunch buddy saw it happen, "Awww he loves you so much!"

And in that moment and all the moments like it in the 3 months of LB's little life, all the "beyond hard" new-mommy-moments and the 29 months of "beyond hard" infertility before it - "beyond worth" it.

When Ordinary Just Won't Do...

I am so, so excited. I've just uploaded brand new items to my Etsy store! I've had such a ball making burp cloths to use with Little Bird and a couple of friends who are pregnant. They are quick and easy and look so cute - and for a sewing project it's pretty much instant gratification!

The base is a Gerber cloth diaper, and then it's embellished with a flannel panel down the center 1/3 and ribbon. I have patterns for both boys and girls.

Check it out here! Also, just for my bloggies, I have a special coupon for 15% off - LBOCT11.

In case you've not used a coupon on Etsy before (like me, they've made lots of changes!!) here's a screen capture of where to enter your 15% code once you've added an item to your cart and "Go to Cart":

9-week Check-in

Yikes, it's been a long few weeks - some of the fastest too though! Little Bird is an amazing 9 weeks (2 days) old. How in the world did that happen since he was only born yesterday?!?

LB is doing well and is growing, changing and learning every day. He's got amazing neck strength and control, and is very alert and attentive. So much so, that my mom (his Nana) and I were talking tonight that sometimes we forget he's still just 9 weeks. He is quite the little charmer and is smiling so much these days! As of Thursday (the official 2-month mark) he weighed 9lbs, 6oz, only up 6oz from his 7-week check-up and shots 2 weeks earlier.

Speaking of shots. We are forging ahead with the recommended vaccine schedule. He received 3 shots and one oral. The nurse was so good and we hadn't thought he was getting them (we were there for something else), so it was actually very easy. I had heard all these stories about how it was hard and so many mommies cry as much as the baby. LB screamed a touch but it was over before either of us could do much of anything, and he settled right down as soon as she was through. I'm hoping it goes as well next time. We don't go back for another "well baby" visit until 4 months (December).

I've recovered physically. Got the all-clear for everything from my OB. And yesterday AF arrived. She's being incredibly kind for this first trip in ELEVEN months.

Long Time Coming

You might notice that the blog title has changed. That is, if you actually look at the site, not just the feed/reader. I am now a "former infertile." Why? Because my fertility is now behind me.

I'm still grieving the loss, and it is surely with a heavy heart that I admit that while my parenting days are long before me, my fertile days are now a thing of the past.

AF will once more resume being just a monthly-ish nuisance (I will see her again, won't I? 8 weeks PP, not BFing and still no AF... not that I'm complaining!). There may be a few tears a couple years from now, when that "baby fever" strikes again and I have to really face that Little Bird is my one and only. It makes me sad to think of it today, and if I think about it long enough tears come, so I just try not to dwell on it and focus all my attention on LB. That's so easy to do!

The Hubs and I are completely smitten by our little guy. He's just absolutely beautiful. If you think that's just a proud mama talking, you can ask the dozens of friends and strangers who have told us so. He's so pretty, that even all decked out in very boy blue, I still get asked if he's a girl!

After today, this will primarily become a mommy-blog. Whoa! Who could've guessed a year ago I'd be writing that sentence?!? I'll never forget my infertility roots, but I'm trying to more and more take off my "infertility glasses" and see the world around me without that lens. Comments and articles and posts can still sting, but it's a different, much less painful sting than that of a year ago. More like a mosquito bite and less like a hornet.

Big Eater

Last week at LB's peds visit they suggested that add a feeding in because, really he wasn't getting enough calories. But at the time I was practically having to force feed him what he was eating. Then Tuesday happened. And LB must have hit a growth spurt, because he jumped from eating 2.5 ounces to 3.5 AND needing a fifth daytime meal!

Once I adjusted his schedule, he's done really great and our afternoons have gotten much better.

He also decided last week that sleep was best found in mommy's arms. As much as I love holding him, knowing that these naps and cuddle times won't last long, that leads to NOTHING getting done. I was fortunate enough to have a friend who is big into baby-wearing and she let me borrow one of her wraps. Life.Saver. LB is getting used to it and so I am, but it helping out in that he can nap and I can get the laundry/dishes/picking up done. Now my tush isn't parked in the recliner all day long - yay!!

Another wonderful new mommy tool? The book "Happiest Baby on the Block" - oh my gosh - talk about saving my sanity! If you haven't read it and are a new mommy or pregnant, run don't walk to get this book - or better yet, download it on your e-reader. You'll thank me.

Check-Up: 3 weeks, 3 days

Little Bird did great at yesterday's pediatrician's visit. He now weighs 7 pounds, 4 ounces and measures 20.75 inches long!