First and foremost, I'm *finally* bleeding. I hope it continues and goes full-blown AF. I know that everyone always has "COME ON AF" vibes available - send them my way, please!
Next is much, much bigger. It's something that I haven't mentioned yet here on the old blog. But, the hubs has had A LOT of reservations about doing IVF. As in, he had already told me that if round 5 didn't work he wanted to pursue adoption. Adoption is a wonderful thing if your heart is in it - but mine isn't. I've prayed so much in the last 2 years asking God if that's the direction we're headed and I have never had any iota of confirmation that it was.
The hubs went to Bible study alone this morning because I was working elsewhere in the church and the lesson was on fear and how you can't let fear run your life and the metaphor of doors and windows opening and closing was used and it all finally clicked for the hubs. He came to me after church and told me that he'd been letting fear rule and that he was done with that! He was ready to put it truly in God's hands and believe that these IUI failures weren't closed doors and "no's" that he'd been thinking they were and could potentially be a pathway to IVF.
He still wants to pursue IUI #5 and I'm totally cool with that. But it won't be the end of the road. And that is a miracle in and of itself.
I heard this song on the radio this morning and it was a gentle reminder:
(chorus below, but linked to Cast1ng Crowns YouTuuuube video)
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Wow Alison, This must feel like HUGE weight off your shoulders.
ReplyDeleteI find myself realizing again and again that although we are on this journey together, we are processing information at different rates, and may be a drastically different places at any point in time. For us the weekly hour in counseling helped us 'touch base' so at least we know where each other are.
I hope that are able to enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Ali ~ I had no idea that F felt that way! I'm so very glad that he feels more ready to pursue IVF if need be.
ReplyDeleteSending you all my love,
Mic
Oh: and c'mon AF!
it's so nice to feel like you both are on the same page. I remember what a relief that was when we easily aggreed where we were going to draw the line in the sand.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog and had to comment. I chose that song on my ipod this morning on the way to work and fought back tears the entire time. The words 'You are who you are no matter where I stand' get me every time. My husband and I are facing infertility too, we've just started meeting with a specialist. I've dusted off my blog (just last night) and though I don't have it listed on my blogger profile, here's the link...
ReplyDeletehttp://mysunshinemyonlysunshine.blogspot.com/
Best wishes on your journey.