The Privileged Infertile

Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot...

2012-01-02T19:41:00.004-06:00

I write this post with a heavy heart. You see, I've come to the decision that it's time for "Privileged" to end. We said goodbye to 2011 this weekend, and with it, I said goodbye to my infertility. It's over. Dead and gone. I have the sweet, precious child I so desperately longed for and the revelation that he is the only one my body will ever bare.

So many that I know, online and IRL had miserable 2011. I had the best year of my life. For the first 7 months I carried the life I had prayed and wept for so desperately in 2008, 2009 and most of 2010. I reveled in carrying Little Bird. I counted each day as precious and wonderful. I bore the responsibility for his little life with utmost care and gratefulness.

2012 brings only hope and gladness as Hubs and I watch LB grow into the most fantastic little boy. He's still my Itty Bitty, weighing in at 15lbs, 4oz at 5 months old. But his personality and smile are larger than life! He truly is the light of our lives. He is rolling over, jabbering, playing with toys, imitating our movements, and now, eating cereal!

He keeps me busier than I ever imagined - especially since he is not yet mobile. And that explains my absence. I'm having to much fun living life with Hubs and LB, and at the end of each day, I'm just too spent to come relive it all with you.

I cannot express my deep gratitude for each of you that I've traveled this journey with. I hope with all my might that each of you will end up with the child you long for and enjoy the ones you've been given. I will still be reading and occasionally commenting (or emailing when appropriate). Thank you for your strength, hope, prayers, and reading along as I made my way to this point.

It was all worth it. I would relive all the pain and tears, ups and downs, every last bit of it to have my Little Bird. He was worth it all. He is more than I could ever have imagined.

One Year Ago

2011-10-31T16:54:00.001-05:00

One year ago I was in the midst of what would become my LMP. We were diving head first into our first IVF cycle, hoping and praying that it would be out only one. We were prepared though to give it a second go if necessary, having lined it all up so that we could at least have a second shot. Statistics had not been our friend to that point and even though the odds were in our favor, we had landed on the wrong side of the odds one too many times to take it for granted by any stretch.

I've been pretty emotional about it lately. I'll think about the date and remember what I was doing this time last year. Oct 28, 2011, was the start of the AF that would be the last for 11 months. October 29 was the day I began stims, and tomorrow, November 1 was the first of many, many ultrasounds. It was a total roller coaster ride that started off slow and had the best finale imaginable. It is a ride I would take again and again if I could be guaranteed of the same outcome (a live, healthy baby!).

Wow, and now my Little Bird is 3 months old. He has changed so much already. He finally hit the double-digit weight at around 10 weeks and started sleeping 10 hours a night at 11 weeks. We went through our first "wonder" week last week and while it was pretty rough on us all, I can see how much he is developing and growing. LB is such a little trooper and is already getting back into his usual schedule - hallelujah!!

This "mom" thing is beyond hard. I've started saying lately that we need to invent a whole new word, because "hard" just isn't appropriate. Trigonometry tests are hard, being a mother? It takes grit. You have no idea until you get here and no one can tell you. Today at lunch though, when I turned to look at LB beside me in his carrier, and spoke to him and touched his cheek and his whole face lit up and he gave me the biggest gummy smile - I thought I might die of love and happiness overload right then and there. My lunch buddy saw it happen, "Awww he loves you so much!"

And in that moment and all the moments like it in the 3 months of LB's little life, all the "beyond hard" new-mommy-moments and the 29 months of "beyond hard" infertility before it - "beyond worth" it.

When Ordinary Just Won't Do...

2011-10-16T20:09:00.002-05:00

I am so, so excited. I've just uploaded brand new items to my Etsy store! I've had such a ball making burp cloths to use with Little Bird and a couple of friends who are pregnant. They are quick and easy and look so cute - and for a sewing project it's pretty much instant gratification!

The base is a Gerber cloth diaper, and then it's embellished with a flannel panel down the center 1/3 and ribbon. I have patterns for both boys and girls.

Check it out here! Also, just for my bloggies, I have a special coupon for 15% off - LBOCT11.

In case you've not used a coupon on Etsy before (like me, they've made lots of changes!!) here's a screen capture of where to enter your 15% code once you've added an item to your cart and "Go to Cart":

9-week Check-in

2011-10-02T21:05:00.001-05:00

Yikes, it's been a long few weeks - some of the fastest too though! Little Bird is an amazing 9 weeks (2 days) old. How in the world did that happen since he was only born yesterday?!?

LB is doing well and is growing, changing and learning every day. He's got amazing neck strength and control, and is very alert and attentive. So much so, that my mom (his Nana) and I were talking tonight that sometimes we forget he's still just 9 weeks. He is quite the little charmer and is smiling so much these days! As of Thursday (the official 2-month mark) he weighed 9lbs, 6oz, only up 6oz from his 7-week check-up and shots 2 weeks earlier.

Speaking of shots. We are forging ahead with the recommended vaccine schedule. He received 3 shots and one oral. The nurse was so good and we hadn't thought he was getting them (we were there for something else), so it was actually very easy. I had heard all these stories about how it was hard and so many mommies cry as much as the baby. LB screamed a touch but it was over before either of us could do much of anything, and he settled right down as soon as she was through. I'm hoping it goes as well next time. We don't go back for another "well baby" visit until 4 months (December).

I've recovered physically. Got the all-clear for everything from my OB. And yesterday AF arrived. She's being incredibly kind for this first trip in ELEVEN months.

Long Time Coming

2011-09-22T16:41:00.004-05:00

You might notice that the blog title has changed. That is, if you actually look at the site, not just the feed/reader. I am now a "former infertile." Why? Because my fertility is now behind me.

I'm still grieving the loss, and it is surely with a heavy heart that I admit that while my parenting days are long before me, my fertile days are now a thing of the past.

AF will once more resume being just a monthly-ish nuisance (I will see her again, won't I? 8 weeks PP, not BFing and still no AF... not that I'm complaining!). There may be a few tears a couple years from now, when that "baby fever" strikes again and I have to really face that Little Bird is my one and only. It makes me sad to think of it today, and if I think about it long enough tears come, so I just try not to dwell on it and focus all my attention on LB. That's so easy to do!

The Hubs and I are completely smitten by our little guy. He's just absolutely beautiful. If you think that's just a proud mama talking, you can ask the dozens of friends and strangers who have told us so. He's so pretty, that even all decked out in very boy blue, I still get asked if he's a girl!

After today, this will primarily become a mommy-blog. Whoa! Who could've guessed a year ago I'd be writing that sentence?!? I'll never forget my infertility roots, but I'm trying to more and more take off my "infertility glasses" and see the world around me without that lens. Comments and articles and posts can still sting, but it's a different, much less painful sting than that of a year ago. More like a mosquito bite and less like a hornet.

Big Eater

2011-08-29T12:31:00.001-05:00

Last week at LB's peds visit they suggested that add a feeding in because, really he wasn't getting enough calories. But at the time I was practically having to force feed him what he was eating. Then Tuesday happened. And LB must have hit a growth spurt, because he jumped from eating 2.5 ounces to 3.5 AND needing a fifth daytime meal!

Once I adjusted his schedule, he's done really great and our afternoons have gotten much better.

He also decided last week that sleep was best found in mommy's arms. As much as I love holding him, knowing that these naps and cuddle times won't last long, that leads to NOTHING getting done. I was fortunate enough to have a friend who is big into baby-wearing and she let me borrow one of her wraps. Life.Saver. LB is getting used to it and so I am, but it helping out in that he can nap and I can get the laundry/dishes/picking up done. Now my tush isn't parked in the recliner all day long - yay!!

Another wonderful new mommy tool? The book "Happiest Baby on the Block" - oh my gosh - talk about saving my sanity! If you haven't read it and are a new mommy or pregnant, run don't walk to get this book - or better yet, download it on your e-reader. You'll thank me.

Check-Up: 3 weeks, 3 days

2011-08-23T10:19:00.001-05:00

Little Bird did great at yesterday's pediatrician's visit. He now weighs 7 pounds, 4 ounces and measures 20.75 inches long!

Whew! What a Rollercoaster!

2011-08-19T13:06:00.001-05:00

This stay-at-home mom thing is a real rollercoaster! One minute we're in smooth waters and the next we're plummeting down, down, down!

We've had lunch though and Little Bird is napping. Hallelujah!

Here's a basic rundown of the day:

8:00am - I get up.
8:30 - I get LB up, diaper change (other dipes changed as needed) and then bottle
9-11:30 - play time, tummy time, Baby Einstein, rocking, basically I entertain him for 3-4 hours
11:30-12:30 - usually a nap
12:30 - lunch time! bottle
1:00-4:30 - usually LB naps most of this 4-hour block, sometimes he's up and we play, but usually it's nap
4:30 - early dinner bottle
5:00-8:30 - playtime with Daddy, Nana & Poppa or some combination thereof; downtime for Mommy!
8:30 - late dinner bottle
9:00-10:00 - wind down; cuddle time in bed with Mommy and Daddy
10:00 - bedtime
3:30(ish)am - middle of the night bottle

Eating times are fairly set, but every now and then we have to make a quick adjustment. Take today for instance, his 12:30 lunch bottle became a 12:10 lunch bottle. And he took longer to eat today because he got so wound up before I could get his lunch fixed, so he ate until almost 12:45. Which is fine because then it covered his "real" lunch time. He's been on an every 4-hour schedule since birth. It started in the hospital and we've just kept it up. During his first week of life, we also kept to it at night, but by the time he was 10 days old he was over his birth weight and we went to a "baby-led" schedule at night. Within a week and a half we were down to just 1 feeding at night, but I still fix 2 bottles for the fridge just in case!

The First 21

2011-08-19T08:35:00.001-05:00

Today marks Little Bird's 3-week birthday! Last week it seemed impossible he was 2 weeks old. This has been a bit of long week for us, so I can completely believe he's 21 days old!

He was on such a good schedule and was sleeping so well, and then this week hit. The only thing I can make of it is that he must be going through a growth-spurt. And he needs it! He's still so tiny. But it has messed with his eating & sleeping schedule. I've done my best to maintain our schedule, but roll with the punches all week.

And he's awake... so I'll post more later!

What They Don't Tell You About

2011-08-11T10:37:00.001-05:00

Yeah, everyone warns you about how painful labor is. Everyone will tell you ALL about the sleep-deprivation that's to be expected and the baby body fluids you can expect to have spewed on you.

What no one ever talks about though? How horrible the hormones are postpartum. I mean, seriously, I think I've gotten off kinda light because I've only cried for 2 weeks and it's getting less and less each day and not an entire month.

NOW I'm starting to hear the stories.
NOW I'm hearing the truth about how many of my less-new-than-me mommy friends spent the entire first month at home with their babies crying all day!
NOW I'm hearing how many of them HAD to have their own moms come over and stay or be sent to family to help them because they were practically crippled by it all.

Wish I had known that 13 days ago. Because for the first solid week, I cried at EVERYTHING! And I felt completely alone and felt like there was no way in the world I could do it all by myself... which I had to start doing Monday when both mom and Hubs both went to work. Then, my mom went to church and cried herself because there was nothing she could do to help me, and the other new moms started telling their own stories. She came home and shared them with me and suddenly, I knew I wasn't alone.

It just isn't talked about. We're all supposed to just KNOW it all and be able to do it all and if we don't - fake it in public!

So to all of you about to pop or still trying to get there - just know in advance that the first couple weeks or months postpartum - yuck! You think the IF meds are rough? No contest. I'd take the Provera (the worst one for me) any day over this mess. My friends and OB assure me that in another couple weeks/another month I'll be feeling almost 100% again.

I sure hope so. Normal hormones was one of the (very few) things I really looked forward to about not being pregnant any longer. I want to feel like I did 38 months ago.

Birth Story

2011-08-04T10:42:00.001-05:00

Thursday morning, 5am, the Hubs and I arrived at Methodist (all hospitals in my town have a religious affiliation). I get admitted, on paper, and sit in the waiting room with the other 2 couples there to induce. At 6:45am, the charge nurse comes to the door and informs us all that we will need to go home and call our OBs later in the day. They have no rooms and cannot perform any of our inductions.

I cry. I was ready for this day and now I was being sent home.

I don't wait, I call the answering service and leave a message for my OB to be paged. I get a call back from the on-call nurse. She is most unhappy that I've been sent home. I mean, really, I was being induced for a reason (hypertension) not just because I thought it was a good day to have a baby.

My BP tops out at 151/100. My OB wants to see me at 1pm. I go over to my mom's, we go have lunch, I go help her out at her school for a little while. Finally, 1pm rolls around and I head over to my OB's office. My BP is still very high and something new! Proteins! It's official – mild pre-e. That gets me a direct ticket to L&D… too bad Methodist is still full. Full as in, my OB walked across the parking lot and literally saw a woman in every bed.

My insurance does cover one of the other hospitals, Catholic. But my OB doesn't deliver at Catholic (boo!!) but 3 docs in his practice do (thank goodness for a big practice!). So he calls them, both the other docs and the other hospital. There is 1 bed at Catholic. One. But it is now mine. I've jumped to the top of the priority list. I am directed to head directly to the hospital. I stop at home, change clothes, switch around a load of laundry, shoot off a couple emails and then go to the hospital. It's 3pm when I arrive.

I change, sign lots of paperwork and get into bed. My dad got to the hospital first and was actually waiting in my room when I got there. Mom was next and Hubs arrived soon after. A very low dose of Pitocin was started and then upped a tad bit after 15 minutes. At 6pm my substitute OB arrived and ordered that the Pitocin be stopped and Cervidil be administered at 10:30 that night. No use having a baby in the wee hours when we can just do it the next day!

I sent everyone home so that we could all sleep.

I woke up in labor at 4am. Called nurses 4 times between 4 and 5… no one came. Turned out they were all in a very bad delivery (everyone came out ok, though!). At 5am, Hubs came and we were finally able to get a nurse down to the room. Stadol administered at 5:30am. I have no real idea what happened between 5:30 and 11:30am. I remember sitting up and the epi being inserted. I'm told I asked for a second dose of Stadol, but I have no recollection of that. The next thing I remember is that it's 11:30am and the nurses are prepping me and the bed for delivery. In case you haven't guessed, it was determined that I had been over-anesthetized.

According to mom, they started Pitocin again at 7am and within an hour I went from a 2 to a 6.

We started delivery a little after 11:30. Very quickly they realized that Little Bird was in respiratory distress and I was given an oxygen mask to help force more oxygen to him. Not long into delivery my OB decided that we were going to have to use a vacuum to get LB out. Even fully dilated, I needed an episiotomy (mine equated to a 2^nd degree tear). The epi was also turned off and the Pitocin turned up. Finally, I could feel something and could actually control how I was pushing. Never did feel any pain though!

After 44 minutes of pushing, including 23 minutes of vacuum, LB was born. He was blue. It was the scariest moment of my life. But the nurses quickly got him suctioned and breathing, but he still was struggling. Hubs and I only got to hold him for just a few seconds each before he was taken to the nursery. He did not have to go to NICU though (yay!).

All the while, I lost more than a quart of blood. My mom said that at one point, I'm laying there pouring blood and the OB looked up at her very calmly and matter-of-factly and said, "I promise I won't let her bleed out."

By the time they got me stitched up and cleaned up and LB to the nursery, I was much more lucid. LB spent about 2 hours in the nursery and then we were finally able to have him back in the room. His breathing had returned to normal levels. He had a serious hematoma which made him much more likely to be jaundiced, but all he ever required was some time in my room window.

We were discharged on Sunday afternoon.

It was traumatic for all of us, but at the end of the day, by "birth plan" was complete – LB and I were alive and healthy and very happy!

Little bird is here!

2011-07-30T08:27:00.001-05:00

Little Bird was born Friday, July 28 at 12:26pm weighing 6lbs 9oz & was 19" long.

I'll tell the his birth story when we get home from the hospital... It's quite the tale, but has a very happy ending!

--

2 years?!?

2011-07-24T06:04:00.002-05:00

Happy blogoversary to me,
Happy blogoversary to me,
Happy blogoversary to meeeeee-eeeee,
Happy blogoversary to me!

I can't believe that it's been 2 years since I started blogging. Three years since we started TTC. And, yes, those 2 things are forever tied together.

Two years ago we had been trying for 1 year and had just received some devastating news that involved no conception without serious medical intervention. One year ago we were staring down IUI #5 and the very real prospect of IVF.

Today, we are overjoyed knowing our little boy will be here sometime this week.

Time passes, wounds heal. But there were so many days that time seemed to stop and the wounds gaped large. Those of you who read and commented gave strength and comfort in ways that many never could - those of you who knew *exactly* how I was feeling and what it was like.

"Thank you," will never be enough.

38 weeks

2011-07-21T21:26:00.001-05:00

Little Bird's Nest

2011-07-13T08:45:00.002-05:00

The long-awaited nursery photos. Enjoy:

Baby Bag

2011-07-10T08:17:00.005-05:00

Nursery pics coming, I promise. But since I only have a few minutes before church I thought I show you Little Bird's diaper bag and the coordinating tag I created for it.

The bag is a Vera Bradley in Paprika:
And the tag looks like this (only with his name, though he will always be my Little Bird!):

36 weeks and counting!

2011-07-06T21:14:00.001-05:00

Went in for my 36 week check-up today. I've been going weekly now for 3 weeks and it'll stay that way til Little Bird arrives.

Last week my BP was still on the high side, so I've been put on a hypertension med and had to do a 24-hour urinalysis. Fortunately, the med seems to be working and the urinalysis came back negative (for now).

LB's heartrate was 145 bpm and he's still head down. I've begun effacing and am a little over 1cm dilated - it has begun!

I'm still feeling pretty good. I've managed to keep the swelling to a minimum and am holding steady at 16 pounds gained.

34 weeks

2011-06-22T17:12:00.001-05:00

Can you believe that is roughly SIX SHORT WEEKS, my Little Bird will grace us with his presence?!? SIX WEEKS(ish)!!

Totally unbelievable.

Went to my OB this morning. LB is doing great, weighs just over 5 pounds, is head down and has a heart rate of 150bpm (consistent little thing!).

But... my bp was high. 140/90, so baaaarrrely high, but high enough that my OB made me do the whole "lay down for 5 minutes and recheck" bit. It didn't go down. And that combined with the pain I'm having just below my right rib, gave him concern. He's now on the look out on pre-e. I was not supposed to go back until July 6, but now get to go back in next week. I'm sure everything will be fine, there was no elevation in my proteins, and I think that's the real biggie they watch for.

That's the update!

Update - 32 weeks

2011-06-11T08:51:00.007-05:00

I'd tell you what a bad blogger I've been, but I think you already know that! So moving on...

Here I am at 32 weeks!

Little Bird is still measuring a week or so ahead and has a steady heart rate of 150 bmp. I've already scheduled all of my next appointments through my birthday, on which I'll be 39 weeks along. I'm still feeling great, despite the triple digit temps and humidity. My feet and ankles are swelling some, but nothing that can't be cured with some cold water and propping them up - and a little pool time!

I also found this great tutorial on how to make your own pacifier clips. I've made a couple for LB already (1 pictured) and plan to make a few more for him and several for friends who are due after me - these are my new go-to gift! They only take about 15 minutes to make and are so cute and customizable! They are pre-washed & shrunk, fully sewn and washable!

Update - 30 weeks

2011-05-25T16:17:00.001-05:00

Well, here we are. 30 weeks. Completely unimaginable 27 weeks ago (prior to knowing I was in fact pregnant).

Went in today for my monthly appointment and everything looked great. Little Bird is head down and has a heart rate 150 bmp. I've gained 13 pounds total (so proud of myself!).

I've got so much to write about, but every time I sit down to post, I somehow get distracted. I will be posting pics of LB's nursery soon. It is *almost* finished. I can't wait to show it off!

I had my first shower 2 weekends ago. My church family (and extended family) were incredibly generous and surprisingly most of them stuck to the registry! I was anticipating that because baby things are so darned cute that people would just buy clothes and cutesy stuff. It was fairly unwarranted, 90% of the gifts were off my registry. I still need things like bottles and plain onesies/tshirts, but nothing big. The only big item I have left on the registry is our car seat, but since I've got our stroller travel system with infant carrier, I won't be needing that until LB is about 6 months old.

I've been battling a little bit more heartburn and have a bit of a cough. My OB told me today that I could safely take any OTC cough medicine and that there was no reason for me to suffer. That is was better for LB that i be healthy and feeling good. Stopped and got cough syrup on the way home! Thank goodness. It's been causing me not to sleep well.

Also, I got a mother-to-be massage yesterday. It was great! I was a lot more stiff than I even thought I was. Again, LB wasn't the culprit, but having to sleep on my side. I'd developed several tension knots in my shoulder blades. I slept much better last night, but still had the cough, so I'm hoping that with a few doses of cough syrup in me, I'll sleep really well tonight!

So that's the latest. I have another shower in 2 more weeks and then it's just finishing touches and waiting for LB's arrival. I'm hoping to hit up the pool next week - plenty of sunshine in the forecast!

My First Mother's Day

2011-05-09T09:00:00.001-05:00

27.5 weeks. Barely into the 3T. Hubs surprised me with a card, rose and small gift from Little Bird.

Can't wait until next year when I have LB in my arms for Mother's Day!

Swimwear - never an easy fit!

2011-05-04T12:52:00.002-05:00

Finding swimwear can be challenging when not pregnant, but pregnant it has been almost impossible. The tankinis that I find that fit don't support my slightly enlarged bust (I was a light 36C pre-pg, am a heavy 36C now). and when I find one that is supportive, the top is so short my tummy shows. While I'm proud of my bump, it just goes against my own sense of modesty to show it bare.

So, of course, it is my mom to the rescue! She found this brand online that looked cute (Prego). Googling for it, I found this online shop and then found a cute 2-piece for a great price!

Shipping was only $5 and it arrived today (I only ordered it Sunday afternoon). It seems to be well made and of good quality. The bottoms are cut well (for me at least), they are modest but not frumpy and provide good rear-end coverage as well as a flattering leg cut. The top of the suit is definitely long, but while tall, I'm not esp. long-torsoed. It does come with a strap that goes around your neck for a touch extra support. But, when I'm in the pool/laying out, I am a strapless girl all the way because I hate tan lines!

As well as it fits, I'm hoping that I can possibly cut the top off a little and re-serge it for next summer... get maybe a little more wear out of it!

Dresses

2011-04-29T14:48:00.003-05:00

I think I told you all about the dress dilemma I've been having. Well, last weekend, I finally just went online found some dresses I liked and ordered them. Both stores I ordered from have brick-and-mortar counterparts in my town and I can return for no shipping. So I took a gamble.

I ordered 4 dresses. Two each from 0ld N@vy and M0therh00d M@ternity. I have to say that I have *loved* most everything I've bought from MM, but their dresses and swimwear have been beyond disappointing. I've never been an ON shopper, but I was getting desperate.

They all arrived today - how handy! I've tried them on and have decided to keep 3. The 4th I'm returning because it's just too big, but I kinda thought it would be as it is a size larger then I

normally wear at MM and while I am bustier, I'm not that much bustier. But it was clearanced and I thought why not try? It probably would have been going back anyway, because I think M has a thing about their summer dresses HAVING to have the v-neck, mock wrap type neckline. I much prefer a scoop.

MM must have sold out of the 2 dresses I bought, because I can't find them on the website anymore... but the ON ones are still available and here they are:

I really like both of them and the main reason I was having trouble finding good dresses was length! And these 2 are LONG, like an inch past my knee long. And I'm 5'8"! I would hem them up an inch or so, but I figure Little Bird is getting into growth spurt mode and my bump will probably shorten them enough for me in the next month or so.

These are kinda what I expected from ON - thin. But, considering that I'm purchasing them for the long, hot summer months - that's perfect! And I bought them in dark enough colors that they aren't by any means see-through thin. Just a thinner jersey - perfect for flip-flop weather!

Little Bird - 26w0d

2011-04-27T14:22:00.001-05:00

Sweet thing finally showed us his face today. He yawned for us and tried to talk to us even - you could see his little mouth opening and closing like a little baby bird. Heartbeat was 148bpm - got to hear it twice! He weighs 1lb 15oz (ish) and is still measuring 2 weeks ahead. LB is currently head down and sunny side up - must take after me, because that's exactly what position I was born in!

I failed my GTT with a score of 177 (to pass it must be below 140). I get to go back next week and take the 3 hour test. But my doctor said that I didn't fail "that badly" and that combined with my low weight gain (only 9 pounds to date!!!) that it'll just mean I have to eat as few carbs/sugar/white foods as possible. Seeing as I already do that, I'm not sure it'll help much, but he all but took in.su.lin and finger pricks off the table. So, it won't mean just a whole lot for me other than they'll monitor it.

Warm Blankie

2011-04-26T14:07:00.001-05:00

My mother, the mistress of stitches, stitched this blanket especially for Little Bird. My favorite of the 4 animals is the giraffe! I just think he's too sweet! She worked diligently for about 4 months and got it finished this past weekend. Then I brought it home and sewed a fleece backing on it and trimmed it to fit. It protects the stitches as well as provides some real warmth, since the quilt itself is rather thin.

Up next...
She's going to start on LB's Christmas stocking - so excited!! We've had it sitting and waiting for over a year and a half. I love that we all have hand-stitched stockings at Christmas. It's quite the family tradition! My great-grandmother stitched my mom's, my nana stitched my dad's and then mine and mom stitched Hubs and now LB's! It'll be up to me to sew LB's wife one some day (but I think I have just a *few* years before I have to worry about that!).

Happy Easter, bloggies!

2011-04-24T17:58:00.001-05:00

(Above) In my Easter dress just home from church... so glad my Savior lives!

I have been calling Little Bird here, my own little Easter egg. I'm feeling him more and more during the day! We get to go to the doctor again this week and get another peek at him. I've already been coaching him that though I *love* seeing him each month, it's time he let us get that profile measurement. Let's see if he listens!

I also get to do the GD test - yum! The Glu.co.la is chilling in the fridge just waiting for Wednesday morning. I'm sure I'll be posting more pics when I get home.

A Short Subject

2011-04-15T14:10:00.001-05:00

Summer is drawing near - hallelujah! It really is my favorite season even if I do live in a very hot and very humid part of the country. I've lived here all my life and I've just gotten used to it.

I love sundresses and shorts. Maternity sundresses are a little harder to find than I imagined simply because so many I've tried on are just too short. But, shorts, I feel like I've hit the jackpot! My mom shopped around for me and found some really, really cute ones for me at K0hls online. They don't have them in my stores, but I'm the same size across the board. They came just yesterday and they look so cute! Can't wait til the weather stabilizes a bit and I can start wearing them. Plus they are almost 50% off right now and I was able to add an additional 15% coupon to them. So excited!

Early Delivery

2011-04-14T10:51:00.001-05:00

Don't worry, not my dear Little Bird, but the first piece of his nursery furniture!

We special-ordered this rocker-glider about 4 weeks ago with an expected 8-week delivery. I got the call yesterday that it had come in - surprise! It is exactly what I'd hope it would be. It is neutral, but not boring and coordinates perfectly with our living room furniture. Why does that matter? Because I doubt that in another 2-3 years LB is going to want a rocking chair in his bedroom and the only other place for it to go is the living room - so it had to be able to fit into both! Tall order, but easier because of the color scheme of browns in the nursery.

Yippee!

Can't wait for his crib and dresser to come in. But I fully expect those to take the full 8 weeks. And really they can wait since I scheduled the carpets to be cleaned in 2 more weeks. Don't want to mess with having to move the furniture (even if we leave it in the boxes) around the house.

Bibs!

2011-04-12T14:45:00.001-05:00

Mom and I ordered these from Am@zon and they just came in. So cute! They are the perfect size and so thick, completely lined on the reverse with terry cloth.

Can't believe I'm only 15 weeks-ish away from meeting Little Bird!!

Nursery De-Clutter

2011-04-11T15:51:00.001-05:00

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments on the bathroom re-do. We had so much fun putting it together and it is so bright and cheerful in there.

And boy, I didn't mean to set the bar too high on the nursery! I'll warn you now that I'm not even repainting - thank goodness. Currently I'm just trying to get the room emptied and that in and of itself is a HUGE job. I'm mystifies at how this little room has held so much stuff and where it is all coming from. And more importantly where it is all going to go! The Hubs calls me the "Queen of the Purge" and I'm living up to it - I'm tossing and donating TONS of stuff.

The Hubs though is not so big on getting rid of ANYTHING. He has clothes he's worn since he was 12 (he's over 35!). And paperwork out the wazoo. I finally told him he *had* to clean out some of his clothes. He chose 5 shirts and said that he just *couldn't possibly* get rid of anything else. I have a sneaking suspicion that some stuff is going to disappear into the great unknown sometime in the next couple weeks.

We expect the furniture and rocker to arrive mid-May and I'm determined to have the room ready to go when it comes. At least to the point where we can put the furniture together and in place. The wall and general decor of the room may take another couple weeks, but I really do hope to have all decorating done by the first weeks of June.

Just Ducky!

2011-04-08T11:39:00.002-05:00

We re-did the guest bathroom for Little Bird. You know, the bathroom he won't actually need to use for at least another 18 months? That one. I know it's strange, but the nursery is SLOWLY getting cleaned out and that wasn't the case for the bathroom. So it got finished first.

Special thanks to my momma who painted it for me - she is a painter extraordinaire!

We had all of the accessories from before we got married (long story!), so all I had to do was cut & sew the shower curtain into a valance, get the new shower curtain, and buy the artwork.

It's so much brighter in there now! I had never really thought of it as dark, but put sunshine yellow paint up and it really does make for a much sunnier room! The wall color in the 2 pictures that match is pretty close, the sink picture got all washed out.

22 weeks, 3 days

2011-04-04T10:22:00.001-05:00

CONGRATULATIONS!

2011-04-01T22:29:00.001-05:00

On of my dear bloggy friends, Foxy, just got her BFP. TOTALLY excited and thrilled for her - go congratulate her now!

Little Bird - 22w 0d

2011-03-31T09:46:00.001-05:00

I went to the doctor yesterday and got to see Little Bird! He is growing, growing, growing - he weighs about 1lb, 3oz and is measuring about 1.5 weeks ahead at this point. Heart rate was 148bpm.

He is either very stubborn or just a momma's boy, because he still wouldn't cooperate enough to get a profile measurement. The tech was able to get a view from the top of his head enough to see that he does not have a cleft lip, which is a relief. Basically he is hugging my spine (hence the reason I'm still not showing too much) and is rather comfy. The tech tried and tried and tried to get him to roll over, and he would start to and then decide to roll back. Oh well, after about 5 minutes, she said we'd just *have* to look again next time!

So, at 26 weeks I'll get to have my 8th sonogram! The tech joked that soon I'd have enough for an album... so I pulled the little brag book I carry in my purse and showed her that I already do! So proud of my LB!

Inconceivable, the book review

2011-03-30T06:00:00.004-05:00

Having been through IVF, the story of Carolyn and Sean Savage was intriguing.

A brief synopsis:
After years of infertility, the Savage's decided to pursue IVF. A terrible mistake was made by their fertility clinic and another couple's frozen embryos were transferred into Carolyn. The procedure was successful. She was told of the pregnancy and the mistake at the same time by her husband.

The book is written by both Carolyn and Sean, volleying between the two perspectives. I'll be honest, at first this annoyed me, because I thought the flow would be interrupted. The further into the book I got (by Chapter 2) the better I liked it. It gave us a look into Sean's perspective, which as we all know in the online infertility community is known as the "rare male perspective."

The tone of the book was very conversational, almost as if you were sitting across from the Savage's over coffee. I cried at the end. And I don't cry over books (fact or fiction). But the anguish that comes through their words and pictures, is tangible. As a pregnant woman, I cannot even begin to fathom how they felt, but they eloquently wrote about the delivery and day after.

The grace in which they handled the situation they were thrown into was incredible. I appreciated the fact that they acknowledged how their faith was a cornerstone of strength and guidance for them in the process.

I did find that the genetic parents of the baby were portrayed in a rather harsh light. I can't say that I would have felt differently than the Savage's or handled it any better than the Morell's. I can only believe that the Savage's wrote with complete honesty and openness.

Scary to believe that this can happen, I don't think I would have wanted to read this prior to my procedure, because there is already so much to be anxious about. One in three million - not a stat of which I want to be on the wrong side.

Thanks to Trish at TLC for inviting me to review this book.
You can learn more about Carolyn and Sean Savage here.
You can see other reviews here.
You can purchase your own copy here.

Two Things

2011-03-29T14:22:00.005-05:00

The first thing, it's kinda random, but I found this DIY project for your laundry room on a blog I've recently subscribed. It's a home for lost socks, or in my house "lonely" socks. Oddly, we/I don't lose socks in the laundry, but there are always lone socks that come through the wash in one load and then the mate will come through later in the day or maybe the next week. So I adapted what they did and made my own:

Thing two: An old college friend called last night to chat. It started off well enough, but then she pointed out that her daughter's birthday party is set for early July - you know, when I'll be 8 months pregnant. So I tell her, "Q, you realize I'll be 8 months by then and may not feel like/be able to travel." Her response was that of course I could still travel and how disappointed her daughter would be that I wouldn't be there. First, the child is all of 2 and second I've only met said child twice in her life. She wouldn't know me if I walked in the room - don't try to guilt-trip me. So I told her I'd mark it on the calendar and get back to her.

Then she went on to once again regale me of how hot and miserable she was the month before she had her baby and how I'm going to hate being pregnant by the end and just dying to get it over with. I'd had enough by then and very matter-of-factly told her that, "No, I doubt I will. After having worked very hard for 29 months to conceive that Little Bird was welcome to take up residence if he so wished for the rest of my natural life!"

Fortunately, the Hubs walked in the door from work just minutes later and I was able to get off the phone. I didn't want to bite her head off, but I have adored every minute of being pregnant and my due date doesn't equal "relief" to me... it equals dread, because I'll never get to do it again.

22 weeks tomorrow. 5 pounds gained so far.

Tomorrow will have another post! Two in a row, but I had the honor of being asked to participate in an online book tour for Carolyn and Sean Savage's book "Inconceivable"

20 weeks, 1 day

2011-03-17T19:35:00.002-05:00

Had my mom take a new picture today just for you, my sweet bloggies!

19 on the 9th

2011-03-09T11:35:00.001-06:00

19 weeks today. Still in complete and TOTAL awe that I am pregnant at all. I guess I might get used to it once this boy is ready to be born.

I've gained a total of 2 pounds so far. I definitely think strangers can tell I'm pregnant and not just fat, but only after noon. In the morning, I'm still pretty lumpy and not bumpy.

Work is going well with just enough to keep me busy without feeling overwhelmed.

And my house? It is almost clean!! All "public" rooms (kitchen, LR, dining & both baths) are clean! I do not have to be embarrassed at the mess which was my house anymore. I still have the man cave, the nursery and the laundry/sewing rooms to go through. But I'm making Hubs help me with the man cave (I've cleaned it once myself, it's his turn to pitch in). The nursery I probably won't mess with too much until May/June, except in cleaning out the closet in there. And I'm hoping to get the laundry room in the next couple weeks. It's functional, just has (folded) laundry that needs to be put up and the ironing needs to be done. I hate ironing and put it off as long as I can.

In other nesting news, I'm doing a complete closet makeover in each of the four bedroom closets and 3 linen closets in the house. Now that Hubs and I will be sharing the man cave closet so that Little Bird can have his own closet, some things need to be moved around. And since we're going to be re-organizing might as well do them all. I've been wanting to redo Hubs bedroom closet forever now and he finally relented when I measured and proved to him that he will lose 0 hanging inches, but the closet will look better and his clothes will be much more accessible. I'm changing mine up because I need more room in the linen closet. (When we moved into this house I converted both of the linen closets in our master bathroom. One into a shoe closet (it's awesome!!) and the other into long hanging clothes) I'm mixing it all up and purging the heck out of my clothes. Too much has built up over the last 4 years. Getting rid of clothes that don't fit (and never will again) or that I just don't like anymore (what was I thinking?!?).

M/S returned with a vengeance last week, but really only gets going on Thursdays and Fridays in the afternoon. So I'm hoping maybe it was only last week!

Snips & Snails

2011-03-02T14:57:00.002-06:00

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails are what BOYs are made of! Guess I better learn my way around those sorts of things.

It was 100% obvious this morning that we are having a son. No doubt about it.

His heartbeat was a strong 145 and all of his vital organs were present and accounted for and where they should be. Right now he is facing my back and my placenta has moved up, which is why I haven't felt him quite yet.

Of course I went shopping as soon as I left the doctor's office and bought him his first "I know it's a boy" clothes:

Good News, Bad News

2011-02-24T15:33:00.002-06:00

Good news? My freelancing has really taken an upswing lately. I've been working with a local client that's part of the national organization for over a year now, but now I'm now working for several more of their regional offices. And another client that was only using my very occasionally, is now using me regularly. This is great. I love working, esp the paychecks that roll in!

Bad news? This means that my blog design business has been suffering. I've got 2 clients currently that I'll finish up with (I've emailed with you, so you know who you are), but for the time being I won't be accepting any new blog design business.

For those of you who have faithfully referred to me. I cannot express my gratitude and how much of a compliment I take that as! Thank you!

In Preparation

2011-02-21T20:21:00.003-06:00

We received a gift the other day from Hubs' company. It was a food basket with all sorts of treats and the note from his boss read:

Congratulations on the expansion of your family! Alison, I hope you find something in the basket that will fit your cravings. Maybe share with Hubs.

I immediately sat down and wrote his boss a thank you note. But then it hit me that we'll be getting baby gifts in the next several months and my personal stationery just seemed a little too much.

So I went on an online hunt for some cute baby ones. Found some I liked, but they were very expensive! So I just modified the designs on my own and here is what I came up with. I didn't have anything else to do Sunday afternoon, so I made a note card and address label for both a boy and girl. I can get them printed at my fave online printer for less than HALF the cost of the others I found.

So Little Bird will have his/her own stationery right from the very start.

Funness

2011-02-21T11:47:00.001-06:00

I could tell you that I'm an emotional rollercoaster. (some days are better than others!)
I could tell you how last week I had myself convinced my baby was not all right. (I'm ok now)
I could tell you about how 4 weeks is just far too long between appointments. (It really is!)

But that would all be boring and melodramatic and over-the-top craziness.

So instead I'll tell you that you can now insert a picture into your Gm@il signature. And if you use multiple addresses all from one account (like me!) then you can have a different signature for each account. Funness!

Also, in preparation for most likely knowing whether we will be having a boy or girl next week, I've begun compiling a "baby registry checklist" so that maybe the process won't be completely overwhelming.

16 on the 16th

2011-02-16T13:23:00.001-06:00

Whew, why does it seem that everyone else's pregnancy is flying by and mine is creeping by?!? I guess that's how everyone feels!

It does seem like I've been pregnant forever now. I'm not complaining as much as stating what seems like fact to me. I will say that 16 weeks is treating me well. This week, my energy has really picked up and I've got lots of motivation to get things done! Plus, I'm feeling super-better.

We went to Chicago over the weekend and I was able to take a little of my warm weather with me, so I didn't have to bundle up too much. I got some great things for the baby and will post about it as soon as I get some pictures taken. Maybe tomorrow or Friday.

Only 14 more days until we know whether Little Bird is a boy or girl. So excited!! But this "every 4 weeks" for appointment thing is for the birds. I think they condition us IFers to going to the doctor constantly, then we finally do get pregnant and say, ummm, now come only every 4 weeks. It's like an eternity! I had to go by my RE's office (I'll touch on that in a sec) which is next door to my OB, and I was *really* tempted to go in and ask if we could just listen to the heartbeat real quick. But I figured they'd laugh me right out of the office, so I chose not to even try.

So, why was I visiting the RE on this my 16th week? Well, I've been working on our taxes and decided to throw our IUI/IVF numbers into Tur.b0 T@x just to see what happened. Low and behold, we get money back! So, I needed proof. And I never thought we'd have enough to qualify, so I didn't worry too much about keeping up with it all. I had all my receipts from my RXs, just needed the actual doctor bills, so I called the office and asked for a printout. They called back about 30 minutes later and told me I could come pick it up - score! We get about $2000 dollars back, which is only about 1/7 of what we paid, but it's a whole lot better than nothing! The Hubs comes back from a business trip this afternoon, and I want him to go back and look over everything in case I missed something, then we'll e-file!

So excited about all the BFPs I've seen lately!! Especially happy for Michelle - yay for FET#1 working!!!

Supplies up for grabs

2011-02-08T11:24:00.001-06:00

Hi! I am cleaning up around the house and finally feel confident enough to clean out the meds box. My handy little reliable animal-print lined box is now empty. I had no meds left, but I did have some syr.in.ges and nee.dle.s. So, if you are cycling and would like some extra (so you don't have to go and beg your local Wal.greens pharmacy at 9 one night like I did!), I am offering them to the first taker(s) for free, I'll even pay for shipping because we all know how gosh-darned expensive these IF treatments are!

What I have:
9 - 3ml IM 23G 1.5"
4 - 27G 1.5"
27 - 27G 0.5"

All of these are in their original sterile packaging and have not been opened.

Email me at gigglygirlatheart @ gmail (dot) com if you are interested! Just didn't want to pitch them before asking!

Little Bird - 14w0d

2011-02-02T12:00:00.001-06:00

I had my monthly check-up this morning and all went well. LB's heartbeat sounded wonderful and strong!

Scheduled my anatomy scan appointment for March 2 (18 weeks), so my *master plan* worked. (Scheduling 3 weeks out last time so that my regular 4 more weeks out fell on March 2)

Morning sickness reared it's ugly head again, but it doesn't come every day and it's much more mild than it was. Very tolerable, doesn't put me to bed. What does put me to be are the migraines. Monday I woke up with one and it took THREE doses of my Rx to get rid of it. Nothing helped and it caused nausea, so I was bed-ridden most of the day. Fortunately, Tuesday and Wednesday have both been really good days.

I'm showing more and more. Still not a proper bump, but it's definitely looking lass "fat" and more "baby." I promise to post a pic as soon as it's really a bump.

Whoa! Only 6 weeks until LB is half-baked!

I believe in magic!

2011-01-27T09:44:00.001-06:00

So I've always heard of this mystical thing called the Second Trimester. Where Morning Sickness disappears and Energy reappears!

And i have to say - it's true!!

I am now on day 4 with no morning sickness whatsoever. And I've only taken ONE nap this week and it's more because I had a headache than *needing* it! This is marvelous! As of Monday (12w5d) I was officially done with it. But waited until today to call it just in case it was a fluke.

Today is my first real day *IN* the 2T. Wow!

We have a family wedding to go to at the end of February and I was counting up how far along I'd be by then (and hopefully showing by then!) and figured out that: 1) I'll be 16 weeks on the 16th and 2) I'll be more than 4 months along at the wedding. Months - I can really count this pregnancy in months!

I go in for my next OB appt next Wednesday (look at smarty me only booking it 3 weeks out instead of 4 - it's already killing me that I haven't seen Little Bird in over 2 weeks!!).

I have so much more that I wanted to say, but can't for the life of me remember now what it was all about. I've been having lots of "Pregnesia." And on top of stealing brain cells, LB has only drained my creativity - I don't know how I'll work come July!

Twelve

2011-01-19T13:58:00.001-06:00

So I've made it to the idyllic twelve week mark. It still feels incredible surreal that I am really pregnant. And if it weren't for my near constant companion, nausea, I might stop believing it sometimes! But, in the next week or so that is supposed to magically disappear. We'll see. I've had 1 completely sick-free day since I was 7 weeks.

In other news, I did find out that another girl at my church is pregnant. And not only are we "close" but we are due on the exact.same.day. And hers, while somewhat long-awaited was completely natural. What are the odds?!? Fortunately we run in pretty different circles, so we both get our own bits of attention. I know it had to have been killing her when we were announcing so early and they wanted to wait until they saw a heartbeat.

Not much else to report. Except that I think Little Bird has stolen most of my creativity. Lately, it takes me so much more time and brain power to come up with things. It just takes "inspiration" a little longer to hit!

Only 198 Days left!

2011-01-16T18:18:00.001-06:00

I'm down below 200 days!! Cannot believe it.

And? Only 8 more days until I'm in the 2T. That's just plain crazy.

Lots of people making gender guesses. So far it's about 80% girl. We'll know in March (hopefully, s/he won't be shy!).

Baby Bird #4 (11w0d)

2011-01-12T12:14:00.003-06:00

I got to go to my first OB appt this morning. It was kind of a rude awakening because I waited 45 minutes past my appt time and then they had to try 5 times before they were able to draw blood. I've definitely been spoiled by my RE's office - on-time appts and a full-time phlebotomy tech who got it on the first stick every time!

Fortunately, I did not have to have a repeat pap since we just did that in October, and I didn't even have to have the STD cultures taken bc my RE did them before the IVF. Yay! I did have to give a urine sample, but I was told that I'd better get used to it bc I'd be giving one every visit from now on. It was funny, they actually did a dip test and had the + test sitting on top of my cup. Glad to know I'm still showing pg!

My OB couldn't find the hb via doppler, LB was moving around too much, so I got to go in for an u/s! Good baby for helping mommy out on that one!

And guess what?!? They did it on my tummy - not the wand! - I really have graduated! Except now the picture quality is cruddy - see, so so spoiled.

Baby Bird #3 (10w1d)

2011-01-06T13:32:00.003-06:00

My u/s & appt when fantastic this morning! Little Bird is looking great and was moving and squirming all over the place - the tech joked and told me, "Just wait until you can feel all of that!" Baby measured 10w2d, with a hb of 170.

We got to see the normal 2D view, a dopplar view where we could see LB's blood flow (the little heart was working so wonderfully!) and a 3D view that was so cool!! I'll admit, that when I've seen other people's I've always thought they looked really strange, but now that that's my LB we're looking at - not so creepy!

According to my RE, my chance of m/c has dropped to only 0.2% (and no that's not a typo!) - so I'm feeling much, much more confident!!

I'm a double digit!

2011-01-05T08:30:00.000-06:00

Ten weeks today!! Cannot even fathom it really.

I get to go for another u/s tomorrow. So wish it was today!

Must stay very very busy!! I don't get nervous until the day or 2 before the u/s. Just praying that everything is still right on track.

It's been a while

2010-12-30T16:29:00.001-06:00

All's quiet on the Southern front. Not much been happenin' except crossing over the 9-week mark! I get to see Little Bird a week from today.

I'll update what I can:

1. "Morning" sickness - I'm weird. I wake up fine and as long as I have breakfast within an hour of getting up, I'm good to go until about 2pm. At about 2, I get sick - like have to go crawl in bed and lay *very* still. I have not been physically sick yet, just major nausea. Sometimes it last a couple hours, sometimes until I go to bed at night. Preggie pops help. Food seems to bring it on - haven't found rhyme or reason to it yet. But since I've been weaning the progesterone (more on that in #2) it's gotten much, much better!

2. Progesterone weaning - Christmas Eve was my last shot of the PIO after having gone to every other day the week before. Then yesterday was my last day with the morning supp. I will continue on the evening supp until I run out which will be the night before I'm 12w. It's a little scary and I can see now that the progesterone was/is such a security blanket!

3. Clothing - I'll confess, I've been wearing some maternity pieces since I was 5 weeks. And as of this week, I'm in maternity bottoms completely. I've still got some tops that I can wear, but my jeans and skirts were just too restrictive. Hubs bought me some really cute stuff for Christmas and my mom hit up a couple of after-Christmas sales to get me 2 pairs of great pants! It's a little embarrassing, but I'm comfy!

4. Presents for Little Bird - LB has already received his/her first gift from a non-family member. And Hubs and I found some precious gender-neutral footed sleepers that we just couldn't resist. Plus, I found a baby furniture store here in town that I'm positive we'll be getting the nursery suite from, I just have to decide which set - they are all so lovely!

LB even sent me a present via Santa Claus - a sweet little talking reindeer. So cute! Made me cry, of course!

Baby Bird #2 (8w0d)

2010-12-22T09:31:00.003-06:00

All righty, I'm home from my u/s - another fantastic visit! Baby bird is growing strong and measured right on 8w0d, with a hb of 170bpm. We got another good look at his/her heartbeat, spine and the formation of the brain/head and arms and legs. Definitely more baby less blob today!
But let's be honest, totally alien baby in the picture!

I get to go back again on Jan. 6, I'll be 10w1d. I *think* they will release me then. If I had the choice I'd stay with them instead of going to my OB. I know, I know, they don't deliver babies - but I'm so attached to the staff at this point!

As I trust in Him

2010-12-21T19:46:00.001-06:00

I subscribe to a blog written by one of my most favorite Christian authors and speakers, Beth Moore. Today he posted this scripture from Romans (15:13):

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am making a concentrated effort to trust in Him when I get scared or anxious or feel like the worry is taking over. I've always promised myself and anyone else who would listen that I would not let my pregnancy be filled with worry and fear. But now that I'm here, I know why I read about such worry. But determined I am.

I will trust in Him. His will is perfect. I will trust in Him.

Next week

2010-12-18T08:32:00.001-06:00

I forgot to mention - we get to see baby bird again on Wednesday (at 8w)!! Then I'll probably get to see her/him again the week on Jan. 3, right about 10w. I'm getting so spoiled to seeing the baby it's going to be hard to go to my OB and probably have to wait until the anatomy scan! Just wanted y'all to know!

We have a heartbeat!!

2010-12-15T15:58:00.003-06:00

132 bpm
Best thing ever. The spine is already formed and his/her little brain is already starting to form. The yolk sak and placenta and something else that I can't remember what they said all looked fantastic.

We're measuring 7w1d - our little overachiever - just like mom & dad!

U-Day

2010-12-15T08:36:00.001-06:00

Today is the day - my first u/s!!! It's not until late this afternoon, so I'll be sure to update this evening.

I'm more excited than anything, I can't wait to see our little one!

I had the best dream last night. I'd had the baby (no dream of the L&D!) and it was a girl. She was such a pretty baby, but we couldn't seem to name her. Which is funny because we already have names picked out.

And if you ever saw her, you would even say she glows

2010-12-10T16:33:00.003-06:00

Apparently, "it's so obvious" that I'm pregnant because I'm "totally glowing."

I attended a Christmas lunch today hosted by a woman who is a nurse and has 3 grown children. BFF and I went together and escaped as soon as we could. It was fun and all, but we only knew 2 other people there and one was the hostess.

Anyway, one of the other guests was BFF's boss and when they got back to the office, BFF was informed I was "off the list" (invitation list) because they don't allow anyone with young children.

BFF was confused and asked her why she would think I would have a child by next Christmas. Her response was, "BFF, It's so obvious Alison is pregnant. She's totally glowing!"

BFF called to tell me this and you have to say the above sentence in your head with the most "are you just plain dumb" voice you can. It was hilarious.

Since I'm waiting to even tell her, my only response was, "You gotta love them, they think they're right about everything!"

My mother confirms this, telling me that she thought that it was just her that saw it because she knows that I really am pregnant.

So I guess I'm only fooling my yet-to-have-children friends!

Strikes me funny

2010-12-09T10:24:00.001-06:00

I am a member of a certain message board system and I have been "friends" with some of these girls since before we started TTC. Almost 3 years now. I'll admit that it was hard to see most of them get pg so easily and quickly, but I don't begrudge them their fertility. There has been an explosion of "old-timers" graduating lately, and for that I am very grateful.

Right now there is a thread that is a questionnaire about number of children and preferred spacing. I just have to laugh at this. Because for me, it is quite literally inconceivable for me to plan a pregnancy. In fact, this right now, could be the one and only time I am pregnant. I don't have a choice. The only way I could justify another round of IVF is if this one ends prematurely - and I try not to think about that.

But the idea of planning? The idea of having any control whatsoever? It is just laughable for me. I will never be that girl. I will never be that girl who gets to sit around and debate the pros and cons of when would be the best time to be pregnant again. Well, I guess I could sit around and discuss it, but it would be rather moot. And I hope that doesn't sound bitter, because it's really not meant to be, it's just pure fact.

I thought about responding to the thread, but decided against it considering it would come off as the "bitter infertile" or as "poor pitiful me." I don't want that, mostly because I have come to terms with it. I was/am a happy only child. I never really felt like I missed out on anything other than a whole lot of bickering. I play well with others, share and was never allowed to be a brat. I have no hesitation that my child will most likely be able to say the same. And yes, I realize that lots of people love their sibs to death and would stringently disagree with me about not missing anything. But you can't miss what you never had. I just don't think it's a requirement in life to have a sib or that I am obligated to provide one for my child. Of course, this is assuming that I am not carrying twins. Given my hCG numbers though, I think that's in great doubt. Again, that's ok.

6w1d and counting. Only 6 more days until I get to see my babe(s)!

SIX!

2010-12-08T08:37:00.001-06:00

Six whole weeks pregnant!

I am still in total awe.

Twenty-eight days ago I had my ER - it seems like it was just yesterday! I get to see my precious babe(s) in just one more week. Eeek! I'm so so excited!

Hello, hello again...

2010-12-06T19:23:00.002-06:00

I feel like I should write, but I don't really have much to write about. I'm feeling good, still no food aversions or any kind of sickness. The bloating has decreased, the gas-iness increased. The PIO is still konking me out 30-45 minutes after injected.

We told the ILs over the weekend. Their reaction was kinda bland. Just a very neutral "congratulations." My MIL was pretty interested in the IVF part of it and how that all works, but as I was explaining it, I never got a lightbulb moment of where she really got what I was talking about. Hub's parents are quite a bit older than mine (his mom is over 10 years older than my mom) and they are real tech-savvy to begin with. She definitely wasn't opposed to the IVF as I was talking to her about it, I just don't think she really got it either.

She had earlier in the year commented that, "Getting pregnant has never been a problem in our family." (Big fam) All I could do was just sit there and think, well maybe not until now! So I don't think she understood the infertility at all. She just kinda looked at me very blankly.

But I know that at 5w some odd days, it's hard for it to seem very real to them yet. I think my MIL will get excited, but FIL, he's pretty clueless about everything, so I don't have any expectations for him.

5w2d

2010-12-03T08:52:00.001-06:00

Not much going on here. I finally got the tree decorated and Hubs got the lights all finished last night. He takes such care in the task and does a wonderful job lighting each tree and bush so carefully! I'm feeling good and the sleep situation is starting to get better. I'm still dead by 10, but am sleeping a little later each morning. Of course, the nightly trips to the bathroom are still going strong.

We have yet to tell Hub's parents that we're pregnant yet. I'm kinda keeping quiet on that front b/c I'd still like to wait a bit longer. If I had my way, we'd tell them Christmas Day, but I don't think Hubs will wait that long. My second choice would be after my first u/s. But again, I think it'll be this weekend or next at the most. I've insisted we do it in person, and we don't see them that often even though we live 20 minutes from them. But that's a whole 'nother blog entirely!

Happy Friday, bloggies!

Needling me to death

2010-12-01T13:26:00.001-06:00

I had to reorder my PIO last Tuesday and because of the holiday, it didn't get here until Monday. Thank goodness I was on the ball and this wasn't an issue of running out, except that Monday was the day I *needed* more to come in!

Anyway, instead of sending me 27G 1-1/2" needles, they sent me 27G 1/2". Ummm, that's not gonna work. So I went to the pharmacy last night and they generously gave me 2 to get through last night and tonight. Me thinking that my meds get overnighted, they can send the needles overnight, too.

Wrong. The best the specialty pharmacy will do is pri.ority mail them. So I *should* get more Saturday, but it could be Monday.

So I called the RE's office and they said I could get a few from them. Then they tried to give me 27G 1/2" too! Ummm, no. Finally, after my nurse came out to talk to me, she says, "well you know you can use the 23G that come on the syringe" (previously only used to draw the PIO into the syringe). "Just don't use the same needle to draw the medicine as the one that you use to inject the meds. But definitely ice because it's a much bigger needle."

I already ice, so now I'll just ice a minute or so longer and for (at most) 4 days, deal with it. I have PLENTY of the 23G, so there is no problem using them.

But I do have have an over-abundance of 27G 1/2" needles.

It was kinda fun to go in to see them, it's been almost a week since I was there last! And it was nice to say, "I'm 5 weeks today! I'll be back in 2 weeks for an u/s."

Scrapping

2010-11-30T12:15:00.002-06:00

I had a couple of you ask about what I use to scrap.

CS5 Photoshop to create and edit my pages and photographs. But, as it is massive $$$ and can be overwhelming if you've never used a photo-editing software before, I highly recommend Photoshop Elements. It is way less (like $70!) and has most everything you'd ever need to do digi scrapping.

I used a kit from one of my favorite designers called Fix Me Up, Doc and 2 templates. The only thing I created from scratch were the 2 blue arrows. Though I manipulated almost every element!

There are lots of free supplies that you can download to play with if you think you are interested, one of my faves is The Shabby Princess.

My go-to online stores are
The Digichick
Shabby Pickle
Scrap Orchard
After 5 Designs

Yep, just as expected!

2010-11-29T08:34:00.002-06:00

For the fun of it, I POAS this morning. The test line immediately pinked up and then just kept getting darker and darker!
I don't think this result surprises anyone. But I will confess that some of you (and you know who you are) were completely right - POAS can be fun! And seeing those 2 lines so vivid is really an incredible feeling. I walked into Hubs and showed him, "See, this is what it's supposed to look like!"

Moving on. Here's a much-known fact IRL - I like to scr@pbook. I have a *huge* one from high school, and a good size one from college. Then there is a little gap between college graduation and marriage. But I picked back up again after Hubs and I got married. It's all digi and I print them yearly into books. I've made a book for each year of our marriage and this year is no different. I had not included our IF journey though, because my albums are much more pictorials than journaling. But I really felt like IVF was a big enough part of our lives, that even if it failed it deserved recording. Here is the 2-page spread, you can click on it to make it bigger.

Telling

2010-11-28T08:27:00.000-06:00

So, I was with my mom when the call from my nurse came in and I immediately called the Hubs and then my daddy.

Now, we have Hub's mom, dad & sib the news. He's pretty reluctant right now, but at the same time doesn't want to wait until Christmas Day (which is what I'd really prefer).

And then there are my friends. BFF has told me several times that she better be the phone call after the ILs. And she will be. Just not like as in "the day we find out." Honestly, I wouldn't/don't care for her knowing, but I know she won't be able to not tell our other friends and this is my news to tell and I don't want them to hear it from her. She'll get to announce her own pregnancy at some point (since she and her hubs plan on TTC early 2011).

Making it public will probably happen the weekend of New Year's. I'll be 9.5 weeks by then. I'm not talking f to the b public, just like telling it at church. I figure I won't go s0cial network!ng "officially" public until the 2T.

That's the "plan" anyway... I don't see any of us being able to wait that long, but we're gonna try!

4w3d

2010-11-27T15:23:00.002-06:00

I was telling my mom today that it just seems surreal that I am pregnant. I mean, it just really hasn't sunk in yet AT ALL that there is a little human being growing in me. I know this must be normal, because come on, baby is all of the size of a poppyseed right now, not like s/he are taking up a whole lot of room!

Doubling!

2010-11-26T14:23:00.002-06:00

Today's number came back at 151. My nurse was very happy with the number and so am I! I've always heard that as long as it's rising, that's what matters most.

I am scheduled to go in for an u/s and meet with my RE on Dec 15 at 2:30... that is NINETEEN days away. How I am supposed to survive that long?!? I think I'm going to HAVE to go to the $$$ store and pick up some cheapie HPTs to use every few days. I have 0 symptoms, so I'm going to need just a *little* reassurance between now and then.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T08:04:00.001-06:00

August 3, 2011

2010-11-24T14:57:00.002-06:00

Is my EDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beta #1 = 69

Thank you all SO MUCH from deep down in the bottom of my heart for all your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. It makes this moment even the more sweet!

I feel good, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

2010-11-23T09:14:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was wrought with anxiety that I was going to see AF at any moment! I felt "wet" constantly, I'd had cramping intermittently on Sunday, and it was 12dpo, oh my! The rational side of my brain kept saying, "if nothing else, you're on too high a dose of progesterone for AF to show" but the worrier side of me was thinking, "so what?!?"

Well, yesterday came and went and nothing. No pink, no brown, certainly no red. And no more cramps.

Today? I feel really good. Despite the fact that I slept *horribly* last night. I was HOT and could not cool down, probably went to the bathroom 4 times, woke up at one point and thought it *had* to be at least 3am - it was 11:18. Last night stretched on for-seriously-ever. But I think I'm being lulled into a false sense of hope and security. I'm taking advantage of it though and plowing through some things I need to get done - 2 things most important - errands! and baking 2 pies for the hubs' company Thanksgiving potluck.

I've got some great distractions planned for this afternoon/evening and this day *should* fly by!

9dp3dt

2010-11-22T10:10:00.002-06:00

I was weak last night. I broke down and forced the hubs to give me back the HPT I had previously told him to hide from me. It took a while, but I finally wore him down and he gave in.

But then I went to peeonastick.com to look up to the sensitivity of my remaining test. Turns out it's not all that sensitive. And the more I looked up the rates of the trigger metabolizing through my system, the more anxious I got that I could still get a false positive. And we all know by now that my metabolism is slower than molasses in January (fun fact for the day: that saying comes from a molasses flood, of sorts, in Boston way way way back when), so it's not like I could really believe that my body metabolized it faster than average.

And that could possibly kill me - to believe falsely, for a few days, that I was pg?!? I'm not strong enough for that.

So I put the HPT in the back of the bathroom cabinet and resolved that waiting for the beta really is what is best. It's Wednesday, by the way.

Radio Silence

2010-11-21T16:12:00.002-06:00

I've been quiet for a few days now. Mostly because I don't have much to say. In some ways I'm scared to death because I have no idea if this will be a successful cycle, but I am trying VERY hard not to let fear overcome me or take control. Today is 8dp3dt, 11dpo. And now is when it gets very real that this whole PUPO thing may very well be over in a few days. It is now that it could only be the Progesterone prolonging the cycle. It could be that I'm pregnant.

I have no clue at all. None. Zip. Zero.

Such a sap

2010-11-19T11:21:00.002-06:00

If you didn't believe that I'm crying at every.little.thing, here's a perfect example: I started crying while singing along to Fr0sty the Sn0wman this morning on the radio*. Really?!? Fr0sty?!? Chr!stmas Sh0es I could understand, but Fr0sty? This progesterone is kicking my butt!

*One of the radio stations here plays Christmas from Thanksgiving Day until Christmas continuously. People started calling in and asking for it early, they did a poll on the website and decided to start it today. It's a wee bit early, but it didn't cause me to change the station either.

5dp3dt

2010-11-18T09:02:00.004-06:00

What's up in there? Well, hopefully this:

1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing

2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst

3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day

4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining

5dpt.. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining

6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining

7dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells

8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood

9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops

10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops

11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

*The Baby Baker (Venting Vagina) had something similar to this up several months ago and I couldn't find it her archives, but thought I'd give credit since I remembered her posting it!

Strong little cells

2010-11-17T15:59:00.002-06:00

One of the remaining smaller embies made it to blastocyst yesterday! He didn't make it to the point where they could freeze, but I did have one plucky little embie that could. It makes me wonder what's going on with the 2 bigger, stronger embabies we transfered back and that are hanging out in the "best incubator"??

I cried a little after hanging up the phone with the embryologist. I couldn't help it - 1) everything (and I do mean everything!!) is making me cry right now and 2) those cells were a part of me.

Anyway, I'm back to feeling better. I've been nauseous now for 3 days anytime I ate. It didn't matter what it was, how much or what time I was eating, it made me feel physically sick. And then I'd stay that way for the remainder of the day. Today has been better. The nausea is still there, but much more in the background than in the last few days. I know it's probably some sort of withdrawal from all the meds & anesthesia, but blah! It's kinda weird to only be taking PNVs and the progesterone injection everyday. It feels like I should be taking more!

I've returned to sewing a little. I made 2 baby quilts, both gifts, but thought I'd show them to you. And, just so you know, I was intentionally going for the "not baby" look.

Promises

2010-11-17T07:13:00.000-06:00

This (double) rainbow was glowing brightly as the hubs and I left out house this past Saturday morning. It was just misting and the sun was not fully up, but there in the middle of the blurry gray sky was the most brilliant rainbow I think I've ever seen. It was so bright that it wasn't just a gradient of the colors, but I could see each individual stripe.

And while the picture only shows part of the arc, the entire rainbow was visible. We were able to see it the entire time we drove to the surgery center.

It reminded me that God has promised us so much and He always keeps His promises. He never promised me a baby, but He has promised me the desires of my heart and a hope and future. God always knows when I need a "neon blinking sign" reminding me of His presence!

3dp3dt

2010-11-16T15:06:00.004-06:00

All right, here is the picture I promised. (I had to fight with my scanner, but I eventually won!)

Aren't they just gorgeous?!? The hubs and I are rather enamored with them.

I went in for my 3dp b/w this morning and my numbers are looking "very good." Too bad they don't give you any actual indication of pregnancy! My progesterone is 46 - more than enough to support a viable pregnancy & my E2 level is 1,164.

ET phone home

2010-11-14T12:46:00.002-06:00

It's been over 24 hours since my babies were transferred. We ended up
with 1 8 cell grade 2 (woo hoo!!) and 1 7 cell grade 4. I'll post
their pic tomorrow, but they are beautiful. I have been diligent with
my bed rest and I'm feeling so good now that the only inject is the
progesterone.

Thank you so much for the sweet words of encouragement!!

Sent from my iPhone!

Five little monkeys jumpin' on the bed...

2010-11-12T13:54:00.002-06:00

Well, my five little monkeys are still hangin' in there!

The run-down:
1 - 5-cell, grade 4*
1 - 3-cell, grade 4
3 - 2-cell, grades 3-5 (there is no 1 or 2 for 2-cell and 5 isn't bad for this stage)

*If you haven't done this before, the quality of the embies is ranked 1-5, 1 being perfect, five have some pretty bad fragmentation

Both my 5 & 3 have some fragmentation, but the lab tech said there's nothing to worry about. The 3 2-cell embies look really, really good, so they are hoping that they might catch up. They are just slow-growing and could definitely be freeze-worthy by Monday or Tuesday, we'll just have to wait and see.

My ET is tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 8. We 'll see then how much growth occured today and which embies are best to put back in.

The best thing, was the tech I talked to today was VERY positive and encouraging, repeating to me how I am the very best incubator for my babies and that a Day 3 transfer was absolutely not an indicator that my chances were any different for becoming pregnant! She said that if they could know which embies were best within 24 hours of ER, then they'd be doing the ET then because the best conditions for them are definitely in the momma's ute!

My babies are growing strong and God is holding them - what more could I ask for?

Being positive is contagious!

2010-11-11T16:37:00.001-06:00

To all of you who have commented - THANK YOU!

Your positive attitudes and warm wishes have definitely lightened my heavy heart. Five eggs are better than none and they deserve to my hoped for and cheered on. Thanks for not letting me throw a pity party!

Here's to 5 little cells that are full of promise!

Another Curveball

2010-11-11T12:33:00.002-06:00

So my lab is totally on top of things. I thought I wouldn't hear from them until at least 2 this afternoon. But it turns out they left a message on my home machine at 11 and then called my cell at noon because I hadn't called back yet.

But the news, it wasn't what we'd hoped. Of the 13 eggs, 1 was overripe as expected, but that still left 12. But it turns out that I have bad eggs. Seven of the 12 looked "abnormal" with dark, granulated-looking yolks. Three of those looked less abnormal so they have been segregated and fertilized as well.

There are five that looked ok, and were fertilized and hopefully will grow.

So bad eggs. Blech.

A Baker's Dozen

2010-11-10T16:39:00.002-06:00

I arrived at the surgery center on time this morning and they got all the paper work done on me. I didn't wait in the outer waiting room for very long, but I waited through 3 episodes of The Gol.den Girls while hooked up to an IV and in a gown. The hubs waited with me and I spoke to 3 anesthesiologists and 2 nurses. FINALLY, my doctor came in. They took me down to the IVF Suite and had me lay down. My doctor told the hubs at that time, while I was getting situated, that he hoped to get 8-10 eggs.

All I remember is laying down, having my legs put in these "hip stirrups" as opposed to having my feet in the air and then I was in recovery. The actual ER lasted about 35 minutes and they retrieved 13 eggs. My doctor told me that I'd done a good job and he was proud of me. I woke up in recovery to the worst AF-like cramps I've ever had. They let me have a little Spr!te at that point and told me that I had to go to the bathroom before I could leave. My recovery nurse took me down to the bathroom, but my cramps were so bad that I couldn't go. She finally came back to check on me and turned the water on. That's never effected me one way or another, but today it did the trick. The nurse came back in, disconnected my IV and let me get dressed. I then got wheeled out of the building in a wheelchair to the hubs and our awaiting car.

Ibuprofen was a great help once we got home. And I went straight to bed. Woke up, ate some chicken noodle soup and went back to bed. I only got up recently and have taken up perch on the couch. I figure I need to stay awake at this point, even though i could totally still sleep, because I want to sleep well tonight.

Tomorrow begins the Pr0gesterone injections and fert reports.

(Also, the girl I mentioned from Sunday? She came in as I was about to leave for the actual ER. She said she'd had major growth over the weekend and she was here for ER too. I was so, so, so happy for her and her hubs!)

Whew, we did it right...

2010-11-09T08:40:00.003-06:00

The hubs and I were very nervous about the trigger last night. My nurse had drilled into me that I could mess up any of my meds and they could fix it - except the trigger! It had to be done right the first time, so at 8:30 on the dot, the hubs plunged that long, long needle into my butt muscle.

And here's how we know for sure we did it right:

A positive HPT - my first EVER. My first thought was, "So *this* is what a BFP should look like!"

It's not near as faint IRL as it is in the picture. But I think in the pic, it's still pretty obvious.

Eeek - it's happening!!

2010-11-08T15:16:00.002-06:00

Just got called from the RE's office: And we have an ER scheduled!!!!!!

Tonight: 8:30pm hCG trigger
Tomorrow: HPT in the am; Valium in the pm and nothing to eat or drink after midnight
Wednesday: ER at 6:30am

ET *tentatively* scheduled for Monday.

Was WAY too excited about getting the ER news to ask what today's E2 was. Oh well!

Graduating Class

2010-11-08T08:46:00.002-06:00

I went in for monitoring yesterday (Sunday) morning. Turns out that the other 2 girls I've been seeing regularly this week are on this cycle with me. We were all on Stim Day 10 yesterday. I got to chat with one of them while we waited for our u/s and it was kinda fun to sit there and compare notes.

But there was a down side, this other girl is about 2 days behind me in growth and on about double the meds dosages. It really drove home to me how different each persons cycle is. She and her hubs are driving 2 hours each way to come to my clinic. And we had to be there at 8:30 and earlier in the week, 7:30. I am so glad I don't have to get up at 5am to go to these things.

And I think it made her anxious that they had told me not to order more meds, but had gotten her to order hers Friday. I hated that for her and repeated what they had told me Friday - slow and steady is best.

It's been an oddly comforting thing to see these 2 women each morning. Even though we usually just acknowledge each other with a quick smile and nod of the head. I was hoping to see at least one of them this morning, but I know that at this point our paths will diverge and we'll each really be getting individualized monitoring schedules.

When it was my turn in the u/s room, my growth was good, but the sonographer told me that she was predicting a Wednesday/Thursday ER, that it wasn't going to be Tuesday. Which is fine. I have 20 follies and my E2 was 1,053.

I was directed to stay at 150iu Follistim last night and 1 Menopur and 1 Ganirelix this morning. Too bad I don't have any more M or G... but they gave me one dose of each this morning there in the office.

It was weird though, I was measuring in the 12-14 range Friday, then yesterday in the 16-18 range, but then today most were measuring 14-16. I asked my nurse when she was giving me the meds and she said that since I'd had 2 different people doing those measurement that they were going to be slightly different. And that today they would mainly be looking at my b/w for answers.

Kind of made my confidence waiver. I mean, I know we're only talking mm here, but I can't see how accurate this all is with the numbers jumping around like that. I still think we're probably on for tomorrow being my last possible day of stims. I'm thinking it might be today, but who knows. My nurse did mention that there is a slight possibility that even though I've been taking the Ganirelix, I could have already O'd. And that, that would not be good!

Thanks, Holly!

2010-11-06T08:55:00.002-05:00

For the "Cherry On Top" Award:

1. Link to the person who gave it to you!

2. Pass it on to 5 more people!

3. Leave a comment on their blog telling them about it!

I promise to!

Slow and Steady Wins the Race - Updated

2010-11-05T09:05:00.002-05:00

Or so my nurse tells me.

My lining looks great, all those 8-9mm follies are now 11-12mm follies and we're letting the one biggie go.

My nurse said that she would much rather see me stimming nice and slow and having good growth (which is what she said she saw), then to have stimmed super fast. I specifically asked about my risk of being canceled and she said she thought that it was highly improbable I would be canceled and reiterated that stimming slow is not a bad thing and that I have some great looking follies. And also, I'll probably be back to see her on Monday.

That's all great, but I only have enough meds to stim through Sunday. I have enough Follistim to last through Sunday even if they bump it again (who knows if they will, but I have plenty). But if they double my Menopur, then I could be in trouble. Let's hope the pharmacy will overnight it this afternoon for delivery on Saturday. But there's nothing I can do until the nurse calls. Don't want to be ordering stims that I don't need! I've looked at my receipts, and I figure we're looking at at least another $1000 in meds. Yippee. Thank goodness I've still been working non-stop!

::UPDATE::

The nurse just called and said that they are leaving my meds as-is and that everything is looking great! My E2 was over 650 (in the 6's still) which from all my Googling is just about right on for Stim Day 8. I go in Sunday for yet another u/s & b/w.

I told her that I had plenty of meds to get me through Sunday, but nothing for Monday and she told me that that was ok, *if* I needed more Monday, then she would give me just what I needed, but she specifically told me not to order anything!! I think that means we're getting close!

So stinkin' excited about a good report. I know yesterday's wasn't "bad" per say, but I'm such a little overachiever that I couldn't stand that I was below average!

Emotions Run High

2010-11-04T11:50:00.002-05:00

I told the hubs at the beginning of football season that he was way too cocky about how great his fantasy teams were and how all 3 were going to win. He's lost almost half his games, and each time he whines about it, I look at him and go, "Told ya you were too cocky."

Well, it turns out I should have taken my own advice. I got cocky about this whole stimming bit. The drug-administering was going good, I was feeling little to no s/e and I was just going to breeze through this! Ummm... wrong! Yesterday, the news that I wasn't progressing at the rate they had hoped and my E2 was only 338 threw me for a whole new kind of loop. It knocked the wind from my sails in a big hurry. And so, here I am a day later and my meds kicked up a notch and I'm a basketcase.

I know I am still on pretty low doses and I don't know how some of you function! I've looked at your med levels compared to mine and I seriously give you mad applause for getting through the day in one piece. I've already cried 3 times this morning. Over nothing! I'm hoping that this is a signal that the boost in meds is working and my E2 level is rising - because that's what I've been told is supposed to happen. Because if that isn't what's happening, then I'm really just losing my mind.

I just keep repeating, every time a negative/worrisome thought enters my head, "God is in control. Only He has control over what's happening, let Him worry about it." And then I go on with my day. I think I've said it about 15 times in the last hour. But it's true.

Update!

2010-11-03T14:31:00.004-05:00

So the nurse just called and they are upping the stims. I only had 3 follies that were in the teens and they want more, so hopefully a little uptick in the meds does the job. I know for a fact (because I asked this morning) that there are plenty there - they just need to grow! And fast, because my next monitoring appt is at 7:45 Friday morning.

E2=338

I'm also supposed to start the Ganirelix tomorrow morning so that I for sure don't ovulate.

I guess this is when it starts getting hairy, huh?

Quick Facts:
Wednesday (11/3): 150iu Follistim pm
Thursday (11/4): 1 Menopur (75iu), 1 Ganirelix am and 150iu Follistim pm
Friday (11/5): 1 Menopur (75iu), 1 Ganirelix am; u/s & b/w @ 7:45am

Next time they will draw from the right arm

2010-11-03T09:21:00.002-05:00

Eight am came quickly this morning and I was sitting in my RE's office waiting for blood draw and u/s.

The tech drew blood from my left arm, again! And I told her that if I'm back again this week, we're going to start working on the other arm. My left arm is just over it.

Then came the u/s. My lining is an 8 (yay!!!) and the tech* was very happy with that. Then she measured follies, I counted about 15, with the largest 2 being at 17 and 13, the others were all at about 8-9. Again, she seemed to imply that everything was right on track. My clinic doesn't necessarily give me exact numbers, it's why I have to pay attention. But I'm kinda glad they don't, as long as they tell me "yes, we're on the right track" I'm happy. I think if I knew too many numbers I'd worry more and since we're into "less stress" mode, I'm good knowing for now everything looks good. Not like I can control any of it anyway!

I'll get a call sometime this afternoon and update then.

Also, I'm sitting in the sub-waiting room, look up from my magazine and see someone I know! It's my college BFF's other bridesmaid (we were in the wedding together). I guess it made sense as they live in a small town about an hour from me, and our RE is the only one in a 4-hour radius from her. And I've known for quite some time that she had been TTC and not able. After my u/s I was able to stop and chat for just a sec and found out that they are on IUI#3 and she figures they are headed to IVF too. We said our good byes and good lucks. And really, I hope that IUI#3 works for her, she and her hubs have been trying for almost 6 years. 6!

*this morning's "tech" was really the director of nursing for the group, she did 2 of my IUI's.

Today's instructions

2010-11-01T14:26:00.002-05:00

Bloodwork this morning at 7:30 - I am starting to get the "pin cushion" feeling!

The nurse just called and I am to stay the course with the meds as is (1 Menopur in the am, 100iu Follistim in the pm). I go in Wednesday morning at 8 for u/s and b/w and then await instructions on how to proceed.

I'm guessing that this is a good thing and that whatever they were looking at in the b/w came back as they wanted. I'm feeling lots of mild cramping in my uterus/ovary area and so something must be happening!

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T08:24:00.000-05:00

Continuing the tradition of "what costume can we be that only requires my hubs to wear a t-shirt?" - I came up with this:

Can you guess what we are?

Lesson Learned

2010-10-30T09:13:00.001-05:00

Whew, so while I'm pretty good at being just an infert, I am soooooooo green when it comes to this IVF thing. This is a whole new ball of wax.

I've mixed Menopur and the Follistim was a breeze (thanks to 2 prior IUI inject cycles!). You'd think something as easy as taking an antibiotic would be easy, right? Uh, no, that was the bad part of yesterday.

Yesterday I took the med with no food (per the bottle's instructions). That was a BIG mistake. I was sick for over 3 hours - and that's AFTER I'd eaten breakfast. I was pretty useless the first half of the day. Thank goodness I work for myself.

I took the antibiotic after dinner last night and it didn't effect me at all. I did not make the same mistake this morning and we're all good.

I am certain this is not my last misstep, but my nurse told me that the only thing I HAVE to get right is the hCG shot.

I'm totally pulling a Little Engine That Could - I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

1 down

2010-10-29T08:32:00.002-05:00

Well, it's official now - I have begun stims. Mixing the Menopur this morning wasn't hard or difficult, just a little nerve-wracking being my first time to be a mixologist! But the med dissolved, I got every last bit out of the little vial and then had to think about the actual shot-giving. And you know, we inferts can't be wimps when it comes to shots and needles.

If you have an issue, you better just get over it. These little bitty tummy needles have never bothered me. (Thanks Mic for giving me the heads up on the teeny sting with the menopur!)

It's the HUGE (at least to my eyes they are) ones that come with the hip shots. Thank goodness the hubs gets to admin those and I can close my eyes. As long as I don't have to see it or look at it, I think I'll be ok.

Because I've always wanted to be like everybody else

2010-10-28T08:12:00.000-05:00

I figured that I'd show you my meds... because you've never seen them before (not say on your own kitchen table/counter).But you see, that was messy. And took up too much space. And even though I know it's not as much as some of you troopers take, it's a lot for me! And I'm an organization nut anyway...

I will confess that the little basket was a small treat I picked up this morning. I justified it by buying it in animal print because I can (pleasepleaseplease) use it in our nursery in the future!

U/S #1: baseline

2010-10-27T09:06:00.002-05:00

7:30 this morning I was in my RE's office for a date with the wand. I was fairly anxious only because AF hadn't really arrived. I'd had some "on the TP" spotting yesterday, but nothing I would consider flow. I was hoping she'd come overnight, but no such luck.

I told the tech, but when she looked, my lining was already pretty thin at .303cm. She said that that looked good and that a 2 would be too thin and anything over a 4 and I'd need to wait until AF. It concerns me a little that my lining is that thin in what is really the middle of a cycle, but maybe that's the BCPs? I've decided to worry about it later if it becomes an issue.

My nurse called me just a few minutes ago to give me instructions.

For posterity's sake:

Friday (10/29) - Monday (11/1) - 1 Menopur each morning
Friday (10/29) - Sunday (10/31) - 100iu Follistim each night
Friday (10/29) - Thursday (11/4) - antibiotic both morn & night (both me & hubs)

Monday, Nov 1 - 7:30 appt for b/w

Encouragement

2010-10-27T06:24:00.000-05:00

The hubs surprised me with these last night. Just to remind me of how brave and strong he thinks I am.

Charming

2010-10-26T07:49:00.001-05:00

Last Thursday was a big day - trial transfer (ouch!!) & injections course.

In honor of really starting to get excited I wondered over to a little gift shop in town that I know sells a lot of little silver charms to see if they had anything that could maybe represent this current IVF cycle.

First, I just took a general look around - found hearts & butterflies. Both would be lovely sentiments, but I'm just not much of a hearts of butterfly jewelry kind of girl. So I turned to the motherhood section, but the bottle, the onesie and the mother and child all seemed too obvious. I mean, what if we land on the wrong side of the stats (again) - what would I ever do with it.

And then I saw it. The perfect charm to signify this cycle:

Could it be any more perfect? Too peas in a pod - because that's the goal here! Not twins necessarily (but I'm prepared for that), but we will *hopefully* transfer 2 embies.

I don't get it?

2010-10-25T15:39:00.002-05:00

I've been meaning to post for 3 days, but I've been kinda lazy... anyway...

I went to acupuncture for the first time Friday afternoon. Acu M (the acupuncturist) had me lay on my stomach and stuck 8 needles in me. And then left the room... for what felt like forever. There was quiet music playing and I figured this was supposed to be the relaxation part, but the table I was on was uncomfortable and my face was sticking to the medical sterile paper I was laying on. Then Acu M comes back in the room, removes the needles in my back, has me flip over and sticks 13 needles in my abdomen and legs. And leaves again... for another endless period of time.

Finally, it was over. It was very stressful and not relaxing at all, because all I could think about was how much I was paying for 21 needles and a 40 minute time-out. I can lay on my own more comfy bed with the lights out and the phones off for 40 minutes for FREE!

Then as I'm paying he pulls out a tube of lotion for me and some herbs/vitamins for the hubs and tells me my grand total is $185. Ummmm, no! I told him no thanks and all I was paying for was the acupuncture ($90). Biggest waste of money ever. I guess maybe you have to buy into it for it to work, and I just didn't. Oh well. The hubs has told me that I can have a massage next week because that relaxes me, and is MUCH cheaper!